Sweets!

Memories of the past and the present...

2010-11-09T05:47:00.001-08:00

Dear diary...
I have been trying to get over the memories of the past because of its pain and its torment in my heart. As hard as I could, he is always a shadow of my past and will remain there as a figure of my first love. In my mind, there has always been a confusion of my feelings. My feelings always refused to accept the rationale in my mind and the consequences are that I am confused. I do want to follow what my mind says as it would be more rational and my actions would then be more structured but could I really follow my mind after being manipulated by my heart all the time?
Why do I feel jealous of his past? He is just sharing his emotions with me, I should be happy right that he is sharing something about his life and as a friend, I should be there for him. But, I really am confused now. I think that a part of me wants to be back with him but then, can we really change the past? What if he left me again for another girl? Can I then face another heartbreak?

Dear diary...
Often I questioned myself.. Am I really in love the memories of the present? All I know is that I could not get over him. He is infiltrating to every thoughts and every emotions of mine. He is always in my mind and whenever I close my eyes, I see his images plastered all over. I really want to change this feeling. He obviously doesn't care about me anymore.. It is not the same as the past anymore.. Can I accept this reality with strength?

I should have known right?

2010-06-28T17:39:00.000-07:00

What was I thinking seriously? I am the one that is into him but he is not. I should not have felt slighted. Well, it is normal isn't it? I should have never even hoped that there would be any chance. He will never like me, isn't it? I knew it. He only treated me like a friend, no more than that. Haiz, should have known. Spare all those tears.

Excitement! :D

2010-06-25T23:39:00.000-07:00

There are plenty of events that happened that made me so happy! I am so delighted with my life now.
Let me think...Hmmm..

Finally, after 1 year plus of waiting and hoping, I finally able to move on and get on with my life. I realised that the more I waited and hoped, the more hurt and disappointment that I gotten. I felt that I could have move on earlier but however I managed to move on. Alhamdullilah. :) I realised that ALLAH is always with me in every step of the way and I am thankful for that. Thank you, YA ALLAH.

I have been improving on my daily grades and I managed to get lesser C and most of my grades are a mixture of B and A. I feel that I can get more A(s) and I am going to work my way through it! Although, I was a little disappointed with my results, at least I passed! UT 2 is my breakthrough moment! I am going to make sure that I get a better grades because I know that I am capable of it. YES YES YES ! AIN BOLEH! :D

I got to know a new friend, Balqis. She is a very nice girl. I feel so comfortable talking to her and I felt like I have known her for ages. I just love to talk to her. :) But I also love to talk with my best friends. There are many of good friends that I could find when I am not looking. I am thankful to ALLAH for giving me chance to have them in my life.

And... hehehe... Something happy happened to me. Well, too soon to tell. Let that be a secret. :D I like!

So true...

2010-06-16T07:59:00.000-07:00

Hmmm.

2010-06-12T01:49:00.000-07:00

My two weeks holiday are finally going to end after these weekend and it is back to normal school weeks with the mundane routine again and again. I must say that I really enjoyed my break. Long sleeps and catching ups to do. :D Anyways, I am so so so not ready yet to go back to school. I just don't know if I am strong enough to face him. What if I cannot do what I have decided to do? What if I chose not to let go again? What if my heart wants to be hurt again? ARGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! streeeeeeeeeeeeessed!
Anyway, I have been snacking a lot today but not proper meals. Goshhhhh!

:'(

2010-06-01T23:01:00.000-07:00

Memang sukar untuk melupakan orang yang pernah singgah di hati kita. Aku fikir, aku sudah cukup kuat untuk melupakannya namun bayangan dia tetap hadir? Aku ingin pergi jauh daripadanya. Dia penipu! Dulu, dia pernah cakap andai aku lari, dia akan datang mengejarku namun apa buktinya? Dia telah hilang. Dulu dia pernah cakap bahawa dia tidak akan pernah melupakan aku, namun apa buktinya? Dia tiada mencariku. Ternyata kenyataanmu palsu! PALSU! Kalau kamu tidak mampu membuktikan, jangan kau hulurkan kata harapan. Sakitnya kehilangan tidak akan pernah kau mengerti.

7 weeks of First Semester.

2010-05-27T02:33:00.000-07:00

HARLO! I finally get the time to blog. It has been quite a rush these few weeks because I have to study for my UT 1 and I think I did pretty awesome. Anyway, so far.. I think my weeks have been going on well. Biochem frenzy caught me offguard all the time and I am always drained after mondays. Labbing microbio make me so professory but it is fun. Who knows, dealing with bacteria could give me such delight. Freaking stress chemistry always make my brain drop dead after the problem statement is being shown but when I get going with the worksheet, heyyyy... not that bad after all. Anyways, thursdays are such a darling because I get to go to school late. I like the faci, she is so patient and caring. Ohhh, an eyecandy there. :D *shhh* [TOP SECRET] fridays are just freaking delightful because it is so easy to score in it and hmmm, eyecandy next door.. wooots! :D

THREE PRETTY THINGS HAPPENED:
1. Like someone new.. He is so cute. =)
2. SHAHIR WON AF8! super cool!
3. LEE DEWYZE IS AI9! WOOHOO!

i so freaking like it! i love it!!!! :D

anyways, i am waiting for daddy to fetch me to balik kampung. gotta go.. bye!

Is that relevant anymore?

2010-05-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

People always say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. But, is it really relevant? Once you distance yourself from someone, the distance just grow deeper until you realise you have no more feelings for them. I try as much as I could to avoid you and it is working but why do I still feel the uneasiness in my heart? Why did I still feel that way? I thought, I agreed to let go of you. I was doing so well but I have to see you again today. Whatever your actions today, was it for real or was it for pretence? You no longer approach me. I should have known right, my existence or absence never affected your life in any way. I wished you all the best. Don't worry, I will no longer disturb you anymore. I will go away from you like the way you treated me. Please, don't ever promise anything that you will never fulfil. You promised to be by my side but were you really by my side? You promised that you will not forget me but do you really remember me? Going away from your life is the best option for me because if I keep obsessing with you, I will never break away from my emotional dilemma. Goodbye dear you. :)

Kenapa?

2010-05-02T08:24:00.001-07:00

Kenapa aku masih ingatkan dia? Kenapa aku masih sayangkan dia? Kenapa aku rasa kehilangan sedangkan dia tidak? Aku barangkali tidak wujud dalam hatinya tapi dia tetap wujud dalam hatiku. Aku sepatutnya pergi jauh meninggalkannya. Biar seribu baru namun aku tahu dia tidak akan pergi dari hatiku.

Uncertainty

2010-04-15T07:10:00.000-07:00

Many occasions always left me being uncertain of the decisions that I made.
Choosing my Secondary School. I had lots of doubts because I wanted to assure myself why I chose my Secondary School. I was uncertain until I set foot into the school and study there.
Choosing my electives in Secondary School. I felt a certain regret for choosing certain subjects but I know I follow what I can excel in better. I was uncertain until I managed to pass during 'O' Levels.
Choosing between MI and Polytechnic. I was confused and uncertain of my decisions. Would I be better off at Polytechnic or MI. I weigh my options and I hesitated a lot. Then I chose Polytechnic but that left me wonder what kind of career path do I want to go into. What course brings me there? I had questions and I found an answer. Maybe I am cut out to be water technologist. But now, options still open and that left me with my uncertainties.

I didn't select who to love, who to care, who to share.
It is decisions made before uncertainties came and fill the air. I made my options clear after I get my decisions no longer doubtful. But occasions made me feel uncertain of my options again.
When you didn't contact me, I grew anxious and all-panicky. I started to question your words.
Then after a long time when I was on the verge of giving up, you contacted me. I was so happy and thrilled that at least you did remembered me.
But now, I don't even know what to expect. Uncertainty always cloud my judgement.

Mimpi...

2010-03-31T20:37:00.000-07:00

What exactly does that dream meant? Is it because that I would be able to see him again or is it because I wished to see him again because I truly missed him? What do I want actually? What??

Tintaku buatmu, sayangku....

2010-03-28T23:42:00.000-07:00

Aku cuba untuk hidup dalam gaya hidupmu,
aku cuba menerima segala gurauanmu,
aku cuba menyelam peribadimu,
namun aku tahu,
aku tidak mampu

Aku tidak mampu untuk mengubah perasaanku. Aku sentiasa tertanya adakah perasaanku ini suci atau hanya nafsu yang inginkanmu. Aku tidak mahu terbawa dengan nafsu yang membuatku tidak bermaruah namun aku tidak mampu melawan perasaanku. Aku hanya ingin menatapmu dari jauh kerana itu membahagiakanku. Aku tidak ingin berhubungan denganmu kerana itu lebih menyesakkanku namun hatiku sering meronta-ronta ingin mendengar suaramu walaupun hanya sapaan kosong.

Aku mendongak ke langit mencari sesuatu,
aku terus mencari sesuatu itu,
dan aku temui sesuatu,
namun yang kudapatkan hanya sapaan angin malam itu.

Aku menghirup angin malam dan membiarkannya menyapa rambutku dengan lembut. Aku terasa sangat nyaman dengan belaian angin malam yang menyegarkan. Rindu di hatiku terubat dengan perlahan- lahan. Aku dapat melepaskan rindu yang menyesak jiwaku dengan tenang dan aku mampu melupakan dirimu dengan perlahan. Aku akur dengan takdir kerana aku tidak mampu melawan takdir. Aku ingin melepaskan rinduku kerana aku masih menyintaimu. Namun aku harus pergi jauh darimu jika aku ingin melupakanmu. Oleh itu, aku ingin pergi. Aku dapat merasakan bahawa kau jua menyayangiku namun hatimu masih tidak bersedia dan itu juga apa yang aku rasakan. Aku tidak ingin terbelenggu dalam percintaan. Bagiku, melihatmu adalah satu kebahagiaan.
♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Salam sayang,
♥ AiN ♥

~

2010-03-24T06:55:00.001-07:00

Angin malam menyapaku dengan lembut,
membelai aku agar usah terus merindu,
Lalu ku kirimkan kata rindu pada angin malam
Agar angin malam menyampaikan kata rinduku padamu.

Aku sering terbayangkan kisah kita andai kita ada jodohnya kelak. Aku masih menanti agar perasaan rinduku pudar dengan sendirinya namun aku masih merinduimu tiap saat. Aku jadi malu dan sedih kerana aku merinduimu. Aku ingin lebih merindui ALLAH kerana dialah PEMILIK CINTA namun aku lalai dengan perasaanku dan terus merinduimu walau aku tahu yang kau sudah tidak mengingatiku. Aku ingin berganjak pergi dan melupaimu namun setiap kali aku melafazkan aku ingin melupaimu, semakin kerap wajahmu terbayang di hatiku. Aku sedar yang aku bukan milikmu malah aku bukan milik sesiapa kecuali milik-NYA.

DEPRESSED!

2010-03-24T06:51:00.001-07:00

GOODNESS! I have tried so hard for my result to get better! Argggh! Chemistry is confirmed to be my worst enemy! SAVE ME!

Whatever lah!

2010-03-04T23:58:00.001-08:00

It is always hard trying to convince people. In fact, every single time we say something, we have to make sure it pleases people. We spent all our lives trying so hard to convince people and please people so much that sometimes it doesn't feel right anymore. I am tired of trying to be someone else to please people. Why is it so darn hard for people to accept us for who we are? If they are sincere to be our friend, why can't they understand us before passing any judgements that may sound reasonable to them but not necessarily to us? They say, please try to understand me but heyy, UNDERSTAND me first! YOU ARE JUDGING ME! If you don't understand me, who are you to judge me? You don't have ANY right to! I am not obliged to take care of your feelings at all. I am doing whatever I feel like doing and by doing so, I am not committing any crime. I am not playing with your feelings or whatsoever. If you are stressed, it is best that you stay away from people and don't bother reading about people's lives. Sebab Iblis suka menunggang pada kemarahan. Ambil wudhu and tenangkan jiwa. If you have your philosophy, I have my own philosophy. Which is: Stay away from people when you are angry because anger is dangerous!

I just don't know what to do with my life anymore, I have tried so darn hard to please people that I don' t feel like myself anymore. Whenever I see popular girl, I tried to fit in. Pretend to like the things that they like but I know, it made me far away from who I am. I think that after so many things that happen, it just felt better that I don't create FB account. People can stop JUDGING me and I can continue with my life the way that I used to be. Live in the world of novels and tv. I like it that way because I never disturb people. worst come to worst, i just sleep. And when i wake up, i forgot everything. I think that is the best.

I hope I know what I am doing

2010-03-01T04:44:00.000-08:00

I often asked myself whether I do really know what I am doing and what I am putting myself into. But the answer that I could ascertain myself was nothing. I realized that I cannot be certain as to whether I can still continue loving you, sunshine. I still love you. I felt as though I am forbidden from loving you and that alone made me feel so devastated. I saw a photo and I could not help myself but to feel that the green monster in me was growing so big that I am sufffocated with the jealousy within me. I wished I could get over you but I have tried all means but you are still deeply etched in my mind. I kept thinking of you but I knew that you never think of me at all. I was never on anybody's mind. I miss you sunshine. My days were gloomy without you and I could not find anyone else to brighten up my day which always made me felt that I am better off to be heartless. At least I don't feel gloomy and I don't feel hurt or jealous.

Wished that you never came along

2010-02-28T06:37:00.000-08:00

I cannot seem to let go of you no matter how hard I have tried. I always make sure that I don't care about you and I pretend that you never existed in my heart. But I just could not let go of you and your actions always made me think of you. Mr sunshine, I am going away. But I would still care for you no matter what. I am just going to admire you from a distance because that itself made me happy.

PRIMAL

2010-02-12T01:03:00.000-08:00

P - Prigmal - as quoted from Chemistry Faci
R - Ready to snap her bones when she want to try to intimidate me. HAHAHA - never worked!
I - independent actually and always ready to help
M - More funnier when she is stressed because you can see her weird expressions
A - Always abusing me, asking me to shut up when I didn't say anything at all
L - LOVE YOU!

Thanks for being a good friend. Anyways, don't forget to keep in contact.

THERESA!

2010-02-12T00:54:00.000-08:00

T - Tempting not to love her
H - Happy always and funny all the time
E - Everytime me 'abuse' and laugh me make always ( READ IT FROM THE BACK )
R - Ready to hear our sorrows and happiness
E - Everytime, need her to brighten up your day
S - Sadly, I have longer hair than her! :D
A - Always a helping hand

Thank you for being my friend. I love to be your friend because you are someone that can be counted on when I am in need of a listening ear. :)

FONG YAN

2010-02-12T00:45:00.000-08:00

F - Funny girl, always smiling but get stressed up when not much time left for ppt
O - Only laugh the most when with us, ( I HOPE SO )
N - Never fails to cheer people's day up with her infectious smile and laughter
G - Go GA - GA over Cafeworld.

Y - Young, vibrant to the maximum!
A - Always engaged with her 'virtual cooking'
N - Never sure of what to eat for first break and lunch all the time!

Thank you for being my friend. I have always known that you are a great company to have. But best of all, thank you for entertaining my nonsense and always smile because your smile always make my day. :)

SANDY

2010-02-12T00:38:00.001-08:00

S - Sensational drama queen with her weirdest reactions at times
A - Always laughing at simplest jokes and her laughter often make me smile
N - Never a spoilsport but random lahh
D - Don't care about what people think of her because she is one confident girl
Y - Young, always always make people smile

Thank you for being my friend. I know that you are someone that people can rely on in times of a need for company and a listening ear. I believe strongly that you would be able to succeed because you are smart. I wish to be forever in your list of friends that you would remember. :)

NADYA!

2010-02-12T00:30:00.000-08:00

N - Naughty at times but a loving friend
A - Always make random movements that always spark a smile in people
D - Don't care about what people think when she is with us
Y - Youthful and forever vibrant and funny at times
A - Always care for people around her and a listening ear.

Thank you for being my friend. I am really glad to have met you in this Semester. I always thought that you are pretty and smart. Just have a lot of past events that may have affected your life in a way or two but I know that you are strong enough to overcome this obstacle. :)
LOVED!

UT week

2010-02-12T00:27:00.000-08:00

Monday - 8 February 2010 - 1100 hours
Chemistry paper. It was the most dreadest paper for me because I am always scared for Chemistry and despite of weeks of doing the practice questions and reading 6Ps and even resource online, my confident was still low. I know that it is not tough but I get paranoid easily. I guess because I never take Chemistry in Secondary School. So, I was late for the paper, supposed to report at 10.45 am but reported at 10.50 am but haven't start yet so yeah, got a chance to settle down for a while. And, when the UT Key was released and I opened the paper. Seriously, I was chanting, "Bismillah, Allahuakbar and Subhanallah" all the way. But, when I was half way through the paper, heyy. Not baddd. Not that tough after all. HAHAHA. Made me panic for no reason. I think that I can pass this paper. Hopefully. YA ALLAH. :)

Tuesday - 9 February 2010 - 1100 hours
Cognitive paper. I love Cognitive the most because I love languages and also because of the fact that I got straight As for 15 problems. Never in my history. But yeah. :D I was early for the paper. HAHAHA. Oh oh! Before the paper when I was walking to school, pretty eyelashes guy texted me, wished me good luck. So happy! As quoted from Iqmal; Wawawewa. So, I arrived early and was reading the resource about underdetermination. I always get confused with strong and weak underdetermination. I was doing the MCQ and then I decided to scroll down and gosh! 38 questions!!! I was panicking already because I thought that I would not be able to finish. So, I was practically reading the questions as fast as I can. And, cehhh. when I finished the questions, I still have 28 minutes left. Made me panic for no reason. Hmmm. But, I took my time to read all the questions again and add in anything missing. Submitted and then went to find Nadya, Primal, Theresa, Sandy and Fong Yan. Then Sandy and Fong Yan wanted to go home, so I, Nadya and Primal went to eat at W4. Theresa went with her boyfriend. So, we ate and then met Faci to study Maths in the library. Stupid Iqmalaluleehh. Cakap nak kasi chocolates ini dah sampai MRT baru call! Sengaja! Perannngaaai!

Wednesday - 10 February 2010 - 1100 hours
Mathematics II paper. Gosh. I think I can pass the paper but I am pessimistic of getting B above because I screwed up some of the questions. *cries*. I thought that I could have done better but I cannot do anything about it anymore. So, anyway after the paper, as usual waited for the girls, so slow, always! Anyway, then walk to Causeway with them and drop by at Pasar Malam to buy Ramly burger. Bought beef burger then Nadya bought takoyaki balls and some finger foods from Old Chang Kee. And Sandy bought waffle sausage or something. Then we sat at some place opposite the Pasar malam and it was damn windy. Their hairs were flying all over. Lucky I am wearing tudung. Hahaha. Anyways, reached home at 3 and solat then rested before bathing. Doing notes for biology and was super stressed up lah cannn...

Thursday - 11 February 2010 - 1100 hours
Molecular and Cell Biology paper. Three words to describe, 'OH - MY - GOODNESS!'. Like seriously man! damn tough lahh cannn.. When I first read it, oh goshh! I cannot understand what it is all about lahh sehh. Hmmm, anyways.... People usually do questions from top to bottom, i do from bottom to top! But overall, it is manageable. Seriously. Bio - ing is making me biol - ing! However, I manage to finish it though I only had 56 seconds before end of test. Gosh, break my record, I always have at least 15 minutes left before UT ends. But, who cares, I managed to finish my paper on time. After the UT, I, Nadya, Fong Yang, Primal, Sandy, Kaet, XinXin and Yong Kang went to W4 for our lunch at 1. After we eat, met Zeff then we headed to W5 for revision/consultation. Anyways, we revised from 1.45 like that until 6. Then Zeff bade goodbyes and then we went to South foodcourt because Yong Kang, XinXin and Kaet wanted to have their dinner. So, I and Nadya accompanied them before going to library for further revision.Called abg at around 6 plus asking him to fetch me. Then tumpang Nadya to MRT station.Then headed off to NTUC at our house to fetch mum and dad. I was so damn bushed and I just practically ignored everything that abg said/crapping in the car. When we reached NTUC, I was literally clinging on to abg's hand and lying down on his shoulder. I swear, people are going to talk, i mean, ' perempuan pakai tudung manja dengan lelaki kat public' Obviously it would arouse suspicion kan, but what the heck, cari ah mazhab mana yang mengatakan bahawa memegang abg sendiri adalah haram. Anyways, I was literally like melayang. Then dad cakap, okay pergi makan lah. Then dad drove to tempat makan and I was sleeping on abg's lap kat belakang. HAHAHA! Bila lagi nak manja dengan abg sendiri, nanti abg dah nak masuk NS. Balik rumah, then rest for a while, mandi and solat then continue revision. Gosh. Slept at 12. :(

Friday - 12 February 2010 - 1100 hours
Physics paper. THE LAST PAPER.Like seriously, when I first read the questions, I was literally stoned. But when I find questions that I can do, I do it first and yeah, I finished all the questions. I will always finish the paper. It is a habit, don't know why but I feel afraid to know that I find the paper easy. I mean, it has always been so tough and suddenly it is easier, I find that something is wrong. Either I am weird or the paper is easy. Hmmm, supposedly today was our munching time with Iqmal, Serene and Abigail but then ahh, serious shit man! They cannot make it today, so what the heck?! Postponed to tomorrow. Anyway, then supposed to change plans, eat with Nadya, Fong Yang and Sandy but I have no money because money was reserved for tomorrow, so never mind. I went with Diyanah and Syahirah instead. We singgah pasar malam/siang, I went to buy two boxes of takoyaki sotong balls; one for me and another one for abg. Abg initially wanted burger but tukang buat burger takde, my guess is they go solat Jumaat. So, never mind. Bought for Ika Char Kuay Bakar.(lebih kurang lah spelling). Then, I literally look like makcik balik rumah belikan anak makan. Gosh, lucky I have laptop to prove that I am a student. But the MRT is crowded. As usual, peak hours. Anyway, sampai rumah at around 2 plus then went to eat lunch. Then watch TV for a while before praying. Hmmm... Just finished texting Iqmal. Wahhh. He ahh, expected me to reach Woodlands at 12 sharp noon! EEEEEE! matahari tengah menegak lahh cannn! IQMALALALULEEEEEHHHH! Oh whatever!

Terima kasih YA ALLAH. :)

Towards the ending...

2010-02-03T18:46:00.000-08:00

I am still thinking that I am in my Semester One and I cannot believe how fast the time have past and I am leaving Semester Two soon, going for another higher level and go to Semester One again but I believe it gets tougher. I have learnt a lot whilst being in RP. I never regretted my decision for making this choice because I believe that when there is a will, there is a way. In RP, I have learnt to speak up and be more independent in doing work because RP gives a chance to learn independently and though it is independent learning, the facilitators are kind enough to give enough guidance to explain about doubts that we have.
I have been revising for many weeks and I think that I am 95% prepared for UT3. I have been focusing on all and a little slacking for Cognitive and Biology. hmmm, what to do. I need to work on my weaker modules but I have done notes for all the problems, bolehlah. Alah, mesti dah tak jumpa pretty eyelashes guy anymore, :( ... and no more handsome faci.. :( ... Tak best lahhh.

Sometimes, I thought that perhaps I didn't really love Mr Sunshine, merely an infatuation that has been bugging my emotions. I guess because I am used to being in his company that I kept craving for more. I just don't know my feelings for you anymore, do I love you or what? I am lost. Lost lost lost lost. What is the meaning of your actions so far? I can never interpret your actions because I simply don't care now. I don't care anymore. No more. I am giving up all single hope that I have. I am moving on.

Ain's mission : Forget him, never fall in love again. Guys are not interested in girls like me. Forget the hope.

Weirdddd

2010-02-01T23:18:00.001-08:00

I have always been the one loving. Never the one to be loved. Sometimes, I just wished I am not that soft-hearted and not caring about my feelings, after all.. Only pretty girls get love right? So, this made the simplest conclusion ; ' Ain, you are not pretty and would never get love.. '
You know what, I am going to ignore for now.
Anyways, I am going to revise full - scale and try my utmost best to khatam Quran lagi sekali during the holidays. I want to learn how to bake pastries. It is just too mouth - watering. I wonder how Cef Wan learn how to make delicious pastries. * slurps*
Hahaha. I like guys with pretty eyes. :D Hmmmm. Ohhh, kalau boleh yang beriman lahh. Jadi boleh pimpin me to jalan yang diredhai ALLAH. Ameeenn. Hmmm. Kalau dia pandai nyanyi and main guitar ke, main apa instrument pun okay juga. Kira bonus point lah. Since takde orang yang view my blog, I shall just crap myself.
Hmmmm. It is cognitive today. So, that pretty eyelashes guy is in my team again. I just want to grab the eyelashes and paste to my eyelashes and I don't have to wear mascara anymoreeee! Who can donate me their eyelashes? I want, I want.!!! My eyeliner is finished, then no money to buy. Haiya.. Nak kena simpan duit untuk bayar bil, untuk makan kat Seoul Garden and beli eyeliner. Compact powder pun dah habis.. :( Who can buy for me eyeliner from Silkygirl - Black colour. ??? Hehehe. Jokings. I will just wait until I have enough money. Hmmm. Money money, it is just plastic/ paper but highly sought for.
Oh yes, oh yes. Semester Two is ending soon... :( Not goodddd.... No more my handsome faci. No more pretty eyelashes guy. No more easy topics to learn. No more cognitive. It will be scienceeeee all the wayyyy. :( :(
My mother kata, jadi perempuan kena tau masak and kemas. Then I say, I know how to kemas, masak pun boleh lah tapi takut api. Kena taruk jauh from the api. Scaryyyy! Pergi pasar dah macam selalu sangat. Apek sayur and ikan pun dah kenal my face. Asal nampak my face, berapa ikan mau? Haiyaaa. Ada makcik ingatkan I dah kerja. Do I look that old? Ada makcik suruh berkenalan dengan anak dorang.. Eeeeee! Tak nak lahh. I want to have Masters first then I will consider marriage. Just consider.. Maybe not.. :D
Tapi kan... hehehe. Blog, Ain malu lah. Tak nak cakap. hehe. something happened recently that make me happyyyy. :)

when caring for someone become an issue.

2010-01-27T17:16:00.001-08:00

I wished I am heartless. I only did what I did out of concern, not that I wished to interfere into your life. You chose to think that I am not giving you the chance of being in a relationship. All I did was just giving advice but you made me to be the cause of your unhappiness and him to be your only reason to be happy. I was never jealous. Never ever will be. I don't want to be in a relationship at all. I may look as though I am laughing but you will never know the pain in my heart that was caused by species named; 'MALES'.
I thought that you would appreciate my concern but you never care, right. I don't wish to care anymore. Lead your life the way that you want it to be. I don't want to care anymore. I will leave you alone from now on.

cheong-ing

2010-01-24T23:21:00.000-08:00

It has been quite a feat trying to keep up with the time and the pressure faced by students nowadays. Everyone keeps saying that students lead a luxurious life but that really depends on whether the students is able to cope with the stress, right? Anyway, I am seriously tired and sleepy these days and fyi, I am getting a lot of sleep. I guess that my body is used to my late nights that it refused to sleep early these days.

I have a feeling that I can improve my grades for this semester because firstly, I am doing better in my daily grades and also, I am doing better for the UT(s). I feel that it is seriously improving and the most improved module would be Chemistry because I managed to jump from E to C+. How cool can that be?

Alright, I am aiming for an A for my Cognitive. I have been getting straight A(s) for my daily grades in Cognitive. How 'W-O-W' can that be? I am so so loving the module. Hehe, anyway... the cute guy is in my team. HAHAHA. His eyelashes are so pretty. I cannot resist without looking at his eyes... well, I have a fetish for guys' eyes.. I don't know why but I think eyes are the perfect window to see through a person's heart. He is so cute lah when he smiled also. Haiya. It was just an eyecandy. Nice to see. :D

For Chemistry, I think that Jackson is quite unhappy with our performance because he kept asking questions and he does not look as though he is convinced with out presentation. I mean, his expression is the same throughout, I really don't know if he is convinced or he has doubts or he is not listening. But, the problems these days are getting easier and it took me only 10 minutes to understant the skeleton of the problems and the concepts. So, in conclusion... I will get better and I want to get more than a C+ for my UT, I want to at least get a B+. I would be damn happy.

For Biology, I seriously don't know what to say about it. I mean, it is easy but it gets confusing because there is way too much to think of. Haiz.

For Mathematics, I think that the formulas are killing me! Because there is just too many for me to absorb within one problem. But, I have the confidence that I can do it and I can get at least a B.

For Physics, Oh my... I don't want to leave Zeff.... I want him to teach me Applied Physics. He is so making my day always on Fridays.. :D But, we all have to adapt to changes. Alright then.. moving on.. to the grades... Okay, he is so so smashing cute and adorable. Anyway, yeah. He teaches me well. I am enlightened always. :D Fine, I move on to grades. I want to get at least a B+.

Hmmm, I must be stronger than I used to be. I must be the one that someone waits for in his life and not keep expecting much from someone. I know that somehow I lost feelings for Mr Sunshine but sometimes, I feel that I want him so much but not to the extent of obssessing on him. He was a part in my life and I still want him to be part of my life. But, he made things so easy that I wished I had not confess. Perhaps that makes it easier. I should stop caring and maybe that helped me to forget him faster. But, the more I keep thinking about forgetting him, the more he appear in my life. He seems to know when I want to forget him. I would ignore him and out of sudden he just msn or sms me. Can he sms or msn at the time that I want him to but instead of sms or msn at the time when I least expect it. He is weird and can be very idiotic at times but his words of advice or encouragement really brightens up my days. Without me realising it, it is already going to be one year that I have known him. I wished to be his friend for the rest of my life. He is not mere acquantainces but more of a close friend. A friend that you know that you can rely on. I can go on praising him but I know that it would not go anywhere. Therefore, I want to stop expecting and stop whining or stop complaining.

Life should be enjoyed to the fullest and I must always think of ALLAH instead of thinking of someone else that is not going to help me in the afterlife.

YA ALLAH, aku ingin selalu dekat ke pada-MU.

Lots of love,
Ain <3

HAPPY BORNDAY WOMAN!

2010-01-09T20:44:00.001-08:00

R DURGA DEVI
HAPPY BORNDAY WOMAN!! :D
Anyway, this is a special post for you. I love it when everytime you are with me because you make me special the way I am and with you, I don't have to care whether to dress up nice nice and I don't have to care about anything.
You are someone that I can always count for if I need a listening ear. You are so weird and unpredictable always but that is what makes you unique. Loved your uniqueness.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WOMAN!
LOVED YOU.. =)

R-A-I-N-B-O-W! :D

2010-01-08T05:35:00.000-08:00

Today's lesson is about rainbow. How rainbow is formed and the colours spectrum.
KEYWORDS: REF(RAC)TION AND REF(LEC)TION.
I was enthusiastic for today's problem because it was not that difficult however we did get stuck at some of the questions. But anyway, I was in-charge for drawing the diagram and it took 70% of my patience away. =D Heyy, I managed to finish and mine was the most colourful one though maybe not the most accurate but I did try my best.
After the lesson, I went to pray and go back to class and pack and go off with Sandy and Fong Yan. Sorry diyanah, syahidah and syahirah. I nak balik cepat, mata dah berat, badan dah penat.
I could not find a seat in the train just now. But I saw an empty seat at Kranji then I sat but an old lady entered so I got up and let her sit. I went to the next capsule and saw an empty seat, so I sat all the way to Jurong. Then I transferred and I was damn bushed, seriously. I slept while standing all the way until Queenstown. So, you can imagine how sleepy I was. How often do you see people sleeping standing on a train. But, anyway... it was raining when it reaches Redhill. -_-'
I walked all the way home and I looked up to the sky.
MASYA-ALLAH. A RAINBOW.
I was so amazed and as I walked, I felt as though the rainbow was near to me as I walked. I felt so happy macam budak dapat lollipop. It has been ages since I saw a rainbow before. HAHAHHA! But, wouldn't it be nice if I get to see a rainbow with him. *blushes at that thought*

Anyway, I reached home at 5 and bathed straight away and prayed. Then made Milo while waiting for mum to serve dinner for daddy. Watched Pesantren Cinta. BOBBY SO HANDSOME LAHHH. :D

Then did RJ while webcaming with DEVI!
HAHAHA! Devi cannot sing Mariah Carey's obssessed!! HAHAHAHA! i thought it was some bird!!!!

Yeah, so that is about it. Going to turn in at around 11.

Gosh!!!

2010-01-04T19:07:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I was so super tired and did not even have the mood to do research and do the worksheet. It is so super slack lah, plus it was raining in the morning; spoil my mood lah to have Bio for the first day back in school.
Anyway, I reached home at around 5 plus and waited for Pesantren Cinta. Gosh! He is so handsome and sweet. I love his smile and eyes. Just soo charming like someone I once liked. :D
Then I started my revision for Bio. doing notes and reading the 6P and then I get webcam with Devi. :D She got a new phone! ENVY ENVY ENVY! grrrr!
Studied till 10 and shut down my laptop and went to watch So you think you can dance Season 5. Gosh! JASON IS ELIMINATED! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HE IS SO SO SO SO SUAVE! I LIKE HIS SMILE! and his eyes.. gosh!
I don't why but I have a frenzy for guy's eyes. HAHAHHA! weird me.. anyway, it is so cold in the class these days. I think they are doing it on purpose, when the weather is cold, the air con seemed to be free but when the weather is hot, the air con just stop working. Everyone is wearing jackets and even though I am all covered up,it is still so cold........ Brrrrrr... *teeth shaking*

Still unsure...

2009-12-26T19:16:00.000-08:00

Heyy blog, I just find myself too fickle-minded. I keep thinking of things and whenever I think about things, I always find myself thinking pessimistically. I keep wondering why I am always pessimistic about things. I keep telling myself that everything is going to be alright but I just find that it is very difficult to keep up with my own feelings.
I have the tendency in putting myself in every love story I see. I just didn't know if it is really something that bothers me a lot or because I am too eager... hmmmmmm... i wonder...

Craziness!

2009-12-23T19:01:00.000-08:00

Why is it so hard for me to control my temptation to shop?
Why is it so hard for me to control my emotions to not go wild?
Why is it so hard for me to control my feelings for you?

THE END.

2009-12-13T22:31:00.000-08:00

After evaluating my mind and my heart, I think that I would really let go of you slowly. I have to move on do i? This blog is merely like my own personal shoutout space. Nobody visits it anyway. I feel like shutting this blog because whatever I have said or anything, I don't get a reply. My sister is better off, at least somebody would comment on her blog though it is private and she receives a confession from the one she loved.
I guess that I have to move on now. And stop my search already because I guess I am tired of searching. 'MR RIGHT' is just bullshit because no doubt, it never happens.
I guess, this is the end.

Letting go of you was never easy..

2009-12-09T06:03:00.000-08:00

Mr Sunshine,
I love you.
I miss you.
You don't love me.
You don't miss me.
I am letting go of you.
I am forgetting my feelings for you.
Mr Sunshine,
Why are you so nice to me?
Why do you remember details about me?
Why do you make me feel loved?
Why do you make me so special?
Mr Sunshine,
I know you only treat me as a friend.
I know you are not in love.
Mr Sunshine,
Why is it so hard to forget you?
Why is it so hard to let go of you?
Mr Sunshine,
I want to let go of my feelings for you because I am tired of being the one loving. I guess that it is time for someone else to love me. I guess. Hopefully. Someone might come. I have heard a thousand versions of possibilities of your feelings. I come up with one conclusion, you obviously DON'T like me. I am letting go of you so that I would not be stuck in this dilemma forever. I am always making first moves, I guess that it is time for me to let go of you. It is going to pain but it will never last. Though memories always come when I am alone. You constantly comes to my mind and I just keep thinking about you. I know that life is never fair. Love is also never fair. I don't know if my feelings for you is love but I know that without you, my life is all gloomy and dark. I have to be in the dark to forget you so that I can move on and find the light. We would only be friends, only friends nothing more, right my love?
I know that I will regret my decision at some point but if I do not move on, will I ever get to see the light at the end of the tunnel? I cannot keep living in delusion that you have 'feelings' for me. I know we were never meant to be together. It is not just you my love, I don't want to be in a relationship at all. I wanted to admire at a distance because seeing you makes me content. I wished you never knew my feelings. I wondered why am I so jealous when I see you with other girls, a feeling that begin to resurface. I have to stop this feeling which is why I am letting go.
Thanks my love for all the smiles you gave me.

Lepak session! :D

2009-12-04T17:36:00.000-08:00

So, me,Iqmal and Serene went to eat at Pastamania on Friday. Derek abandon us! *grrrr!*
We had lots of fun. The food is splendid and well, there are many fn events going on and we are so so so so enjoying ourselves. We walked around and then went to our *famous* lepak corner which is like behind the MRT's toilet. -_-'
Then we proceed on to Civics library and do RJ and stuffs. Iqmal keep stopping me from doing my RJ because he wanted to show me websites and stuffs and Serene comes in and stop me. But, I did manage to finish my RJ and submit it. Hengs ahh! No need to delay.
HAHAHA! Iqmal made for me this weird 'movie' and it was hilarious seriously.
http://www.tackfilm.se/en/?id=1259904466243RA14 - THIS IS THE LINK. Check it out. =)

Birthday wishes!

2009-12-01T22:45:00.000-08:00

It was my birthday yesterday! wee! Finally I am legally 18 years old.
Hmmm, well. There plenty of unexpected presents and wishes.
Thanks to:
ZEFF, PHYSICS FACI FOR COMING TO THE CLASS TO WISH ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)

BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!
R DURGA DEVI FOR THE WISH AT EXACTLY 0000 ON 1 DEC! :D (you owe me one chocolate)
KUBENDIRAN FOR THE WISH AT 0000 TOO
NUR SYAHIDAH, DIYANAH ISLAM WEERS AND NUR SYAHIRAH FOR THE CHOCOLATES AND SCRAPBOOK(LOVED YOU GUYS, though unfair for the 'THREAT')

E36K
MUHAMMAD IQMAL for the wish at 0016 hours and for the 5 chocolates
SERENE TPC for the wish in Chinese and in English
ALAN FOO and DEREK CAIfor the virtual cake and the wishes in Chinese
LI MAY for the huge birthday wish
ERICA LEK for the wish in yellow and in Chinese
ABIGAIL CHUA for the wish
ALICE XOAI for the wish too
VINCENT for the wish in FB
MOO for the wish in tamil
NURUL for the wish in FB

LOVED! =)
Kak Marissa
Kak ShaSha
Kak Haszia
Kak Di
Miss Cam
Cikgu Norliza
Safwan
Isa
Gayathri
Derrick
Ernest
Rashidah
Rupini
Sam!
Alger
Charlene
Shermaine

AFIQAH SAYANG! =)
Zari
Diana
Tina

W16C
Paulette and Angelia for the cutest cake.
Nadya for the weird birthday wish(with the birds)
Theresa for the wish at 0027 hours
Sandy for the wish at 0710 hours
Fong Yan
Primal
Yong Kang
Xinxin
Zhe Hao
Ravi
Lyn
Syafiqah
Jothi
Hai Ping
Gwen

EIDUL ADHA!

2009-11-27T01:36:00.000-08:00

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI RAYA AIDILADHA!
Aku masih mencari erti pengorbanan yang sebenarnya. Pengorbanan kepada keluarga?
Tetapi, pengorbanan yang tertinggi adalah pengorbanan kepada hawa nafsu yakni melepaskan segala hawa nafsu. Adakah aku sudah bersedia untuk melupakan segala hawa nafsu ku? Kadangkala, aku terasa sangat berdosa sekali? Apakah aku layak untuk ke syurga-NYA? Aku masih banyak kekurangan dalam diri.
Aku menonton cerita, 'Yassin Terakhir' semalam dan dialognya sangat memberangsangkan.
'Kita kena tahu siapa diri kita, baru kita akan kenal yang hidup itu dan barulah kita mengenali diri kita yang sebenar','Yang hak mesti kembali kepada yang hak,sesungguhnya kita di dunia ini tidak ada hak.'
Kata-kata ini membuat aku terfikir sejenak. Apakah ertinya sebenarnya dan aku masih belum mengerti kerana aku tidak kenal siapa diri aku sendiri. Aku sentiasa dalam kekeliruan kerana aku masih belum ingin melepaskan segalanya yang aku tahu banyak menghasutku. Aku ingin insaf. Aku ingin bersedia untuk ke syurga-NYA kerana aku tak sanggup untuk pergi ke neraka-NYA.
Wahai muslimin dan muslimah, apakah jati diri kamu? Dalam sehari, berapa banyakkah kau mengingati ALLAH?

perhaps.... :)

2009-11-21T01:14:00.000-08:00

I NEED TO REPEL ALL THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WITHIN ME!
I just feel so restless and always looking around for you. I never felt so obssessed with someone before. I just need to slowly let of all these go. I don't want to keep thinking of you and I don't want to feel as though my life just evolves around you. I need to learn to let go and open my heart for other options. Perhaps one way is, stop contacting you until I really need you so much and could no longer control my feelings.

I just need to buck up and throw the 'devil' within me that stops or distract me to not do things that I am obliged to do. I want to be a successful woman so that nobody would look down on me and push me to my limits.

I wish...

2009-11-14T06:02:00.000-08:00

I wish I was smart enough to understand the problems given in school...
I wish I was brave enough to tell Mr Sunshine how much I love him...
I wish I was courageous enough to tell you how much I need you...

Well, I guess that I will let go of you slowly now. I am erasing your memories off my mind now. Slowly, it will pain me but it will pain me more if I don't.

Oh my!

2009-11-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

Finally, the UTs just ended. I am so relieved. Well, first of all, I think I managed to understand almost the gist of all the problems that I encountered. And, yeah, because tests are over however, I need to continue doing my revision as UT 2 and UT 3 is coming. I just felt that this semester is going very fast and sometimes, I just feel that I lack of time management, I mean; by the time I get back and settle down, it is already almost 8pm and by the time I revise and stuffs and pack; it is already 11pm. *Any wonder why I am losing my concentration in the morning?*

Oh yes, I just feel that I am more and more accustomed to being in my school. Well, technically because it is a fixed schedule; well, I tend to be very organised and I want something that have a fixed schedule. People say life in RP is boring but hey, it is rocking, man! It depends actually on how you look into something. If you keep being pessimistic about something, you will be blind towards all the positiveness that arrive. I believe in putting in interest in whatever you are doing because from there, you will succeed.

For Biology, I think that the module is fun because it is all theories and you don't really need mathematical equations or formulas. I love to read because that is one way for me to understand something better which is why I prefer languages however I am not sure why I am inclined to science course; but I never regret my decision. The theories in Biology is easy to understand; the only complication that I face is that it is the terms that confused me a lot. Like seriously. I have nothing against the faci because I think he is fine as a person. Perhaps because his outward appearance does not appeal to most of my classmates; which is why they kind of rather fidgety or whatsoever but I think he is a nice guy. He does explain everything well and I like his teaching style though he may ask too much questions during presentation but I think this is his way in analysing the depth of our understanding of the problem.

For Cognitive, I find the module to be extremely exhilarating because I love languages and this is one of the module that I do very well because I love to reason things out. Well, my 'long lost' ambition was to become a lawyer however after a series of events, I didn't manage to get to that. However, I still keep my options open so that I can choose other paths of career and not be restricted to one. Cognitive is more of a thinking process and it helps to know what kind of approaches that we use to examine certain situation. I like the faci because he will bring us back to the correct direction whenever we are swayed from the main topic. And, I love his teaching style.

For Chemistry, I think that the module is quite straightforward however there are many concepts that I have to note. Well, firstly I am not a Chemistry student which kind of make things hard for me. But, I was lucky to have been in the same group as Zhe Hao and Nadzir as they helped me a lot during the learning journey. Though I have to put up to their 'bullying', I think I learn quite a few things from them which is a good thing. Well, the faci is a nice guy though he is quite blur sometimes. Rock on, Jackson Ong! :D

For Mathematics, the module is challenging for me because well, I am very weak in numbers and numbers are like my top most first enemy. I just cannot get along well with numbers, I am just scared to deal with numbers. But I like my maths faci. He is very understanding and caring towards students and he always help the students.

For Physics, I LOVE IT THE MOST! The physics faci is so so handsome, okay lah. I mean, different people have different perception. If you are exposed the my other 4 male facis, you will agree with me. Physics to me is not difficult but very tedious and sometimes it can mislead you. I need to cultivate a deep interest for Physics because I will be taking Applied Physics next year which is why I am very enthusiastic for Physics and Chemistry.

For my yellow heart, I can't get you off my mind. You keep coming back to my mind when I do things or when I am online. I thought that I would forget you soon when we separate class but I just can't seem to stop thinking of you.It keeps coming back. I just couldn't understand why. I am letting go of you slowly so that when you are ready to be in relationship which is CONFIRMED not to be with me, I am not deeply hurt. To me, when you are happy, I feel happy for you. But, yeah. I am very sensitive, I tear a lot but I know that somehow, my tears will dry up, any every tears of mine is worthy.

Please..

2009-11-05T04:33:00.001-08:00

Physics UT today. I was so so emotional to do the paper well, firstly, I am happy that I got an A for the previous problem for Physics. Finally, an A. Today's paper was not that difficult but I have some minor glitches and so yeah, I am so confirmed that I would get a C. Hopefully. I want to get a C, minimum. Don't disappoint me can? I want to pass. I don't want people to call me stupid, dumb. I know that I am but don't keep reminding me. I have feelings, you have no freaking idea how is it like to be a failure.
Mr Sunshine, I am clear of your signs now. I know that you are NEVER gonna like me like how I like(perhaps, love) you. I don't want to be the one that is always pining for your love therefore, i want to let go of you. I hate to be the only one that is pining for you. I want to be loved but I guess, you were never meant to be mine. Do you know how much it hurts to see you being like that? I am so upset. I am so jealous. I am so disappointed. I really cannot see you when you do that. I can't.
If you don't like me, please frigging leave me alone. Don't keep texting me and don't let me be on cloud nine. Just leave me alone, besides, I am also the one rejected, so i frigging don't mind. Please, give a me sign, and I let you go peacefully.

2009-10-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

Mr Sunshine, I want to ignore you but you are the one ignoring me now. I guess my decision to forget you and move on is the best decision but I am paining in me.
Why? Why do I find it hard to forget you? Is it really hard to forget you, mr sunshine? Can I move on? I knew it the moment I saw you that you would never like me. I know but my heart is always pining for you. I guess, this is my destiny perhaps. Never to be loved. Guys only get close to me to be my friend but when they know I like them, well.. They shun me away. Or perhaps insult me. I know.
Perhaps I should just shut away from love.
You are not the only one that shun me away mr sunshine. Plenty more. I knew.

Monday blues! :(

2009-10-26T01:50:00.000-07:00

I am so so tired, sleepy and sick. The reason for me being tired is that on Sunday morning, I went to school for Eco-Flea Market and well, I was quite up to my hand when the crowd come because well, first of all, I have to run here and there trying my best to satisfy the people. Hmmmmm. Tiring for that. And I was having the splitting headache when I came back(actually when I was on my way back). I thought my music was too loud and therefore, I stopped my music for a while but I realised that it was not my music. It was something else. Hmmmmm. Quite frustrating! And accompanied parents to NTUC because I wanted to buy covered shoes for lab session.(the shoes are brown : not my taste but what to do; anyway not going to wear it always)
Not enough sleep because I was studying and plus watching Jab We Met and so yeah.. ended up with late night.
I am having this terrible cough and flu. The flu is recovering and unfortunately, not my cough. It seems to get worse but I guess that it is my fault because I still drink cold drinks on the sly. (HEHEHE)

Lost..

2009-10-23T03:54:00.000-07:00

I am having a topsy turvy of a time when it comes to feelings/emotions. I am always confused of what I am feeling for perhaps my mr sweet sunshine. I just could not decipher my own feelings and the actions I took. Sometimes, when I see him, I just find him as a good friend and sometimes when I never see him, I feel lost and I just constantly search for him hoping to find a companion and sometimes, the feeling just get too overpowering. I find all sorts of excuses to find ways to forget him and perhaps hating him, but I know I can. I do feel at times that I want to just confess but then I could not bring myself to tell him because I do not want to lost him as a friend and it would just be so awkward. I want to just slowly forget him and get a move on but I know that I cannot do it because he is just always in my heart.I am getting seriously confused with my feelings. I do not know whether I should treat him to be my normal/close friend or to keep liking him more than I should. Things seemed to be so unclear. I knew deep in my heart that he ain’t mine but I know that, I am denying that fact for quite long enough. Things are getting obvious now but I just cannot get him rid of my mind. My heart is constantly struggling with memories of him. He just keeps coming back into my mind and I guess, it will take me longer than just one year to forget him.
My mr sweet sunshine, can I start forgetting you now? I need to get over you. This is going to be hard but I am going to ignore you. I am going to try.

appreciation- a difficult thing to get.

2009-10-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

Dear blog, I am having a hard time coping with Chemistry, Mathematics and Physics and they are all my simultaneous modules. I am a very vocal person however I find it hard to continue to be vocal when I am doing these modules because I can't possibly understand all the concepts.

I need time to understand Chemistry models, concepts and calculations. Lone pair? Electronegativity? Polarity? Hydrophobic? Hydrophilic?

I need more than three hours to absorb mathematical calculations because it is very difficult for me because I forget all the formula back. OMG! Vectors? Magnitude? Windspeed? Groundspeed? Airspeed?

I need lots of patience and effort when I am doing Physics. It is very difficult for me because the whole team looks kind of dependent on me and trust me when I say this, I am not that strong in Physics. I have a good memory for words but not numbers. Numbers seem to be my arch enemy and therefore, I have to kind of put in lots and lots and lots of effort in remembering all the concepts and the calculations, not forgetting the formula. When I know how to do the concepts and calculations, I have to explain to my team members. Can they take their own initiative to find out for themselves also? I am seriously not able to understand everything and make them understand everything. I am begging for help. Seriously! :'(

I just don't know what is wrong with me. I am trying my best to forget but as hard as I try, it is very hard. He refused to let me forget him. He is always in my mind, in my heart and I am seriously in love with him. Why can't I just forget him once and for all? Why people say that just move on with life? But, nobody knows how hard it is to forget someone that you are falling for deeper and deeper. Am I the only one with the feelings or there are some other people that have the same feelings like me before? Why can't I just be like them? Forget them and just move on with lives?

I know that I am the eldest girl in this family and I have to know how to do household chores in the house and I must do everything, but I have tried my utmost best. Why can't them understand that I am also tired? Why am I accused to be jealous when I say why can't my sister do the household chores instead? I am not the only girl in the house.

I know that I love to clean but that does not mean that you can dirty the area that I have cleaned. I am sick and tired of having to clean for you. You are also a GIRL. Do your part.

Why is it people think that I am being overbearing and demanding when I only wanted to be loved by the one that I love, gets the grade I wanted and not being the only one to do all the work?

I just want to be appreciated.

Intriguing!

2009-10-09T22:59:00.001-07:00

People always say that love start from friendships but how come after being friends for so long, they just remained as friends and bound to regret only after one is gone.
They say it is easy to forget about a guy. But, is it really easy to forget the guy? It is never easy because to love, you don't even need to have a reason but to hate, you need thousands of reasons to hate.

2009-10-05T05:10:00.000-07:00

It is the first day of the Sem. Man! It is a quite tiring lah and a little bit difficult to adapt to waking up in the morning again. I practically did everything with half of my eyes closed which includes reaching to woodlands. My class was so dead at first but we managed to laugh together not long after the class started. The silence was definitely very deafening at first. Even a single 'hmmm' echoed throughout the whole class.
My group were discussing and then there was silence. I wanted to say something but then, my stomach answered for me.. HAHAHA. It practically growled so loud that I think my ears are red blushing. This is normal. Lactose-intolerant yet ate cereal with milk. PADAN MUKA! HAHAHA. We then laughed and laughed. It is fun. I made friends with Gwen, Fong Yan, Nadya and Xin Xin. Haha. Gwen is funny.
And so, we presented the last. And the faci love to ask questions. Oh my! I am quite lazy to answer the questions but I see my team members struggling to answer the questions and therefore, I answered and we finally can then proceed back to our seats. Damns.
I am forgetting him forever now. It is difficult. I have tried to continue but it is hurting me. So, I am letting you go.. Goodbye.

Lotsa love,
AiiiiiNNNNNN

Goodbye Mr Sunshine. =)

2009-09-28T00:44:00.000-07:00

Five months have past and I have not plucked enough courage to tell you what I felt about you.
Five months have past and I am still unable to forget you and ignored your antics.
Five months have past and I still cannot let go of you.
Five months have past and I am stubborn enough to continue caring for you.
Five months have past and I refused to stop reminiscing of our time spent together.

Why does the feelings come when it is meant to be forgotten?
Why did you come when it is never meant for me?
Why am I always be the only one with the feelings?
Why am I always so soft hearted to fall for a guy?
Why didn't I just ignore all the guys in the world and focus?

Have you ever stopped to think that I actually care for you? I guess not. Never. Never mind.

My mr sunshine, it is time I continue to live in darkness again.

Meera Biya. Goodbye. :)

With lots of love and care,
AiN.
=)

UT results......

2009-09-25T08:17:00.000-07:00

It has been a mix of emotions circling through my mind and I am not sure what is truthful that is a fact or a lie. I have been trying to be in denial for all my feelings and I refused to accept the feelings that is blossoming in my heart.
I just checked my UT results, I want to jump in joy but I also want to bask in tears. I am just unsure of my feelings lately. I want to improve my studies and I really wished to get a good grade. I don't want to fail again. Not again.

Updatings...

2009-09-01T21:59:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. I am back again after many weeks of not updating my blog. Anyways, it has been quite a boring holiday for me. Well, firstly, it is fasting month and holidays during the fasting months is such a bore. I cannot really hang out till late evenings. Bored-NESS!
Anyways, it has been quite a while since I kept in touch with the class. I miss them ALL! Hmmm, I want to eat at Seoul Garden with them,eating while catching up with each other are the best! We should all eat at Bugis. Book the whole place to ourselves, okay.. maybe not lahh.
I want to see my Mr Sunshine badly. I want to see into his eyes and talked for hours and hours. I want to laugh at his jokes and smile always because of him. He is the best. His smile is mesmerising and seriously, he can make you laugh even at the topic that you once hated to talk about. He made people special with the way he goes around.
Awwww.. Hawwwts! :)

Finally!

2009-08-24T00:46:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been ages since I updated my blog. anyways, it was quite a struggle for the Maths UT today. I tried my utmost best to finish all the questions and answer them. I was seriously remembering all that my facilitator was teaching and I managed to finish all the questions.

Hmmm, i suddenly remembered about the syarahan yesterday. The basis of bersyukur adalah bersabar. Setelah lama aku menenungkan perihal itu, aku baru sedar akan maksudnya. Seseorang yang bersabar akan sentiasa bersyukur.' Dalam sehari, berapa banyakkah kamu ingat kepada ALLAH dan Rasul-NYA?'

Muhaimin- We call him MOO.

2009-08-04T00:06:00.000-07:00

Mooing all the way from class start to end class

Unbelievably infectious when he start laughing

Happy-go-lucky most of the time

Always singing and dancing like late MJ

Interesting whenever he duets with Iqmal

Many many funny ideas going through his mind

In his own world when he starts presenting

Never talk fast when he presents.

Muhaimin is MOO!!

Iqmal- the Man

2009-08-03T23:43:00.000-07:00

Incredible for his weird facts and videos.

Quiet when he is in his focus mode ONLY.

Mushy when he consoles people especially ABIGAIL.

Awesome when he does weird weird powerpoint slides.

Loving towards all especially ABIGAIL.

1. Always talk to his laptop during UT.

2. Tries to get a high score for the Speed test typing.

3. Always try to win in Ramasamy.

4. Brought lots of sweets and crackers for class.

5. Girls always fight over him.

Love,

AiN :)

Abigail - The one that loves to be the 'Errand Girl'

2009-08-03T23:11:00.000-07:00

Aggresive with her things even her own laptop.

Buys food and drinks for us during first break!

Interesting with her sudden burst of laughters.

Girl but not girly...

Adorable when she fight with Iqmal.

Iqmal's wife!

Lame always when she say it is not funny when she is laughing!

this is what i can gather so far! weee!

Love,

AiN :)

Serene- The one that is eccentric and loud

2009-08-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

Sensational with animes and Japan

Eccentric for her actions out of sudden!

Red fanatic!

Easily agitated and contented!

Nice to everyone except some idiotic people!

Excited to be in class!

So, roughly this is what I can gather from her.. LOL

Love,

AiN :)

Jonathan- The one that livens up the class!

2009-08-03T22:22:00.000-07:00

Joyful in everything that he is in.

Obstinate for the powerpoint fonts and colour!

Never make people angry because he is COOL!

Always so CHAOTIC!

The apple of the eye of the class!

Hip-hopping and HAPPENING!

Angelic especially when with friends!

Naughty when he is with Iqmal!

SO, THIS IS WHAT I COULD THINK OF ABOUT JONATHAN!!

Love,

AiN :)

I am sorry!

2009-08-03T06:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I just felt that life is unfair towards me, I mean, everyone could relate to that. I know that I am demanding and pushy and perhaps that is the reason why no guys had feelings for me sincerely, even if they claimed that they do, they just show it off once and BOOM, it is back to square one.

I have tried my best for this production, but 'she' never showed much interest. She only say,' wait ain, wait ain' .. is that what you have? you keep saying that you love me, BUT i DON'T SEE any actions done to prove that you really LOVE ME?!

I know that many of the committee members have done their part but I just don't know, I feel so not appreciated by seniors because they seem not bothered and they showed it clearly. Andd, i tend to vent it on you guys and it so happen to be you.. I know that I am in the wrong, please forgive me..

I just have so many things going on in my head right now. I have my personal crisis going on, studying of UTs, late nights, interpersonal problems with mates. I just got so many things going on. They keep emphasising that, 'IT IS OKAY, THIS IS JUST A STEPPING STONE FOR YOU GUYS!' DAMMIT! THIS IS NOT A STEPPING STONE! YOU ARE JUST BEING IGNORANT TO EVERYTHING! YOU THINK THAT WELFARE IS NOT IMPORTANT! OH PER-LEASE, WELFARE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING!

I AM NOW GOING TO BE FIRM ON MY GROUND! WHEN I SAY, I WANT IT, I WANT IT! IF YOU ARE GOING TO MESS UP WITH ME, HELL YEAH! I AM SO GONNA MESS UP YOUR LIFE! YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO IMAGINE IT!

PROVE TO ME THAT YOU CAN BE A LEADER! IF YOU CAN'T, LET ME BE THE LEADER! DAMMIT!

(to my dearest PM: I am so sorry, I may be harsh on you but I work this way, but if you felt that I went overboard, please tell me. I will change)

WHY?

2009-07-28T19:08:00.000-07:00

Are decent guys extinct? Why am I always at the losing end? I ahve been trying so hard to forget him but his memories kept flashing back... The smiles, the jokes, the laughters, the warmth, the conformting words... It is just so difficult for me to forget.. Why do I end up being the one that always feel miserable? Why can't someone else feel that for me? I am seriously trying to forget you.

No matter what, you are my sunshine..

Trying...

2009-07-20T21:31:00.000-07:00

All this while, I have been trying my best to do well in my modules and I have tried terribly not to make my hopes high.

I have also tried my best to do as much as I could for the production but nobody appreciated.. Just by saying, 'Thanks..' . It is not enough, show it to me that you appreciate my work.

I have tried my best to maintain my cool in class but if you are going to bullshit through your way by asking questions without daring to even look at the person that you are asking, COWARD, GET A LIFE!

I have been trying to forget you but you refused to let me forget you. you continued to cheer me day up and without doubt, I am beginning to fall more for you.. well, i guess.. i have to continue to try to forget you but I am not sure if I am able to do that..

love chose the path that i believe in..

saddened..

2009-07-13T21:18:00.000-07:00

I am not sure I was the only one that has the feelings but I guess, I am the only one with the feelings from what I have observed and gathered. However, I am not sure why I am losing everything that I have tried to keep it in. In fact, I felt like I am on the verge of confession but I am trying all my best to keep everything in my heart and continue with my life and not bothering about the feelings that refuses to go away..

she continues to miss him... :(

Kebenaran...

2009-07-08T22:31:00.000-07:00

Kali pertama aku melihatmu, hatiku diusik perasaan ingin tahu. Kau datang dengan penuh misteri. Perasaan ingin tahuku semakin membuak-buak. Aku ingin tahu siapa dirimu...
Kali kedua aku melihatmu, hatiku semakin menyukai perwatakanmu. Aku terpana saat kau menegurku. Aku berdebar-debar saat aku berbual denganmu. Aku tidak pedulikan perasaan itu kerana ia hanya satu persinggahan.
Daripada situ, aku mula menyemai perasaan yang sukar untuk digambarkan. Aku sedar bahawa dalam diam, aku mula menyayanginya. Aku semakin ingin melihatnya setiap hari... Tanpa dirinya, aku merasakan bahawa cahaya kasih seolah hilang..
Senyumannya membuatku seperti terbuai-buai di awangan. Namun, aku ingin melenyapkan perasaan ini kerana perasaanku kepadanya hanya satu harapan yang pasti tidak akan kesampaian.
Kehilangannya seolah kehilangan sebahagian hidupku namun aku cuba untuk kembali berpijak di bumi yang nyata. Aku tidak ingin kehilangannya namun aku malu untuk mengaku kasihku terhadapnya..

LOVVVEEEE,
AIN

losing my strength..

2009-07-07T02:51:00.000-07:00

Well, these days, I have been trying to convince myself that I don't love him but then, the love is becoming deeper and deeper.. In fact, the feeling has deepened and sometimes, I just don't know if I truly love him or still just crushing hard on him...
My feelings are often in a roller coaster. He always treat me with sweetness and smiles.. He is always smiling to me.. With his infectious laughter.. I find him quite likeable.. Well, he is just so charming when he smiled...
Anyway, I need some time-out... for my space...
Aku perlukan masa untuk mendekati-NYA, membaca kalam-NYA. Kini, sudah bulan Rejab.. Bulan-NYA.. aku ingin selalu bersama-MU..

LOVVVVVEEEEEEEEE,
AIN =)

unsure..

2009-07-03T02:08:00.000-07:00

well, these past few days, I have been thinking of him for quite some time again... yet again.. i don't know why i keep thinking of him back when I actually fall for you already.. I have been losing my strength for everything... i am losing my energy... i am trying to run away from reality as much as possible because I knew that there is no ending today... I notice that he was looking me a lot but I don't wish to know that anymore because I knew that it will never go anywhere.. we are just friends and in fact, he said it himself.. ' YOU ARE NOT MY TYPE!' why am I reminiscing the past? It is just difficult, can!

perhaps, i should run away...

aku tak mengerti

2009-07-01T04:13:00.000-07:00

setiap kali aku bersama dengannya, hatiku masih keliru.. aku tak tau samada aku mengerti perasaan yang bertamu di dalam hatiku dan kadangkala, perasaan aku semakin keliru dan aku memang tidak mengerti apa yang aku ingin.

perasaan aku kembali namun aku tau bahawa aku tiada peluang untuk berkunjung atau menempatkan diri di dalam hatimu... aku benci sekali dengan perasaan aku yang sering kali berubah dan selalu tidak pernah mengerti dengan apa yang aku mahukan...

kadangkala aku cuba untuk menjauhimu agar aku dapat terus bersikap dingin namun kau selalu menghampiri tanpa membiarkan aku rasa terasing.. kau buat ku seperti di awangan namun aku cuba untuk kembali berpijak ke bumi yang nyata...

bored with elearning!

2009-06-30T21:59:00.001-07:00

well! updates again!
firstly, i hate elearning!! what is the difference with school eh? I rather have school lah! I am so super tired with the stupid e learning! it is not helping at all...
hmm... yup... i am so bored with e learning that I am listening to lagu DANGDUT! that is basically how bored I get lah!

I am at loss..

2009-06-26T09:19:00.000-07:00

I just don't know whether I have the heart to continue loving you or just run away... I just feel like running away from you... I don't have the strength to continue loving you, my love. You chose to avoid me and I guess, I will avoid you. And, I guess that is what you want.. I will forget you, my love..

Embarrassed!

2009-06-22T23:18:00.001-07:00

oh no... he knows already.. dammit! I should not have put that.. well, i guess, i am going to avoid him.. seriously... dangs! NOOOOOO! malunya aku.. dah lah, tak nak pergi training hari ni ah.. balik ah..

Camwhores with class!

2009-06-22T20:26:00.001-07:00

Camwhores for pentas karyawan again!!

2009-06-22T19:45:00.001-07:00

Lol!

2009-06-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

well. today was Science.. HAHAHA... hmmmm, anyway, i am seriously still confused.. aku suka dia bergurau dengan aku.. sweet gitu senyumannya... =)
but now, i am still confused .... aku tak tau samada aku suka dia sebab dia memang baik gitu... nyanyi pun sedap... so sweettt!!

LOVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEE,
AIN =)

Kota tinggi trip and Pizza hut..

2009-06-21T18:51:00.000-07:00

YUPS!! LOTS OF FUN!! =)

Confused..

2009-06-21T18:48:00.000-07:00

I am seriously confused. Do I still like you? Or am I losing all my feelings for you? Or am I not longer bothered about your antics and just consider you as a friend only... I guess, time has faded away my feelings for you..
Now, I love to see you sing.. I love to talk to you.. I love everything about you... But, you has someone else in mind.. well, i guess.... no more love for me..
:(

VIDEOS (release tension)

2009-06-19T21:50:00.000-07:00

ACCORDING TO ORDER:

LEFT TO RIGHT:

ZARI SINGING USAH LEPASKAN WITH ABANG NIZAM PLAYING GUITAR

ZARI SINGING HANYA YANG KAU MAMPU WITH ABANG NIZAM PLAYING GUITAR

KAK NADA SINGING HANYA YANG KAU MAMPU

KAK NADA SINGING HANYA YANG KAU MAMPU WITH ABANG NIZAM PLAYING GUITAR

WAN AND KHAIRI SINGING DAMBAAN

Camwhores for pentas karyawan

2009-06-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

KAK NADA FARZANA(PRESIDENT), ME

KAK FIT AND ME

KAK NADA FARZANA

ASHY AND PAK MAT

MAK TEMAH RENDANG

Tired and sleepy..

2009-06-18T00:00:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,

I am very tired... I have been coming home late and sleeping very late.... I have been doing lots of notes, drafts and also editing the scripts. And also I have been making notes for my modules so that I am better prepared for my UT 2...
I am very sleepy.... I have been sleeping late nights because I always do a lot of things.. too much things that just kept me awake. I would force myself to go to sleep.

Stressed!

2009-06-16T18:45:00.000-07:00

what the hell lah kan? we do liek almost everything then yang lain tu? kalau macam gini, baik tak payah nak appoint dorang kan.. kita je yang jadi the overall orang.. merepek kan! apa seh??
hmmmmm... dahlah kena lari-lari, suruh buat kerja pun tak betul.... habis semua tak refer kat yang lain.. kita juga... eeeeeeeeeeee! gerammmnya!
habis, main pressure je... FAHAM FAHAMLAH, KITA KAN BARU NAK BELAJAR.... YANG PAKSA PAKSA BUAT PE... nanti comment banyak-banyak... kalau betul takpe... eeeeeeeeeeeeee! MENYAMPAH!

CAMWHORES today!!

2009-06-16T00:35:00.001-07:00

WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY? PICTURE TELLS A THOUSAND WORDS... SO, DECIPHER IT YOURSELVES!! =)

Tired and bored...

2009-06-16T00:25:00.000-07:00

HI BLOG!
okay, it has been quite a while since I update my blog. Well, basically, I have ben busy watching korean drama and it is very touching... I feel that malay dramas should be like that because the guys tak segan-silu untuk menangis kerana cinta mereka. Cinta yang mereka pertahankan begitu agung. HAHAHA... well, kerana cinta yang mereka pertahankan, hanya itu yang mereka perlukan... CEH CEH...
well, back to the topic.. it is Science today and it is tiring and boring... let's just say the holiday mood has not worn off yet.... TIIIIIRRRREDDDD!!!
yup, anyway, MR YELLOW owes me a PIZZA!!! ( hope he is reading it)

Last day...

2009-05-29T23:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, first things first.... The first photo is: from the left ; AIN, PRIYA, JEFFREY AND BHAAMA

The second photo is: from the left ; PRIYA, JEFFREY AND AIN

The third photo is: from the left ; PRIYA AND AIN

The fourth photo is : from the left ; JEFFREY AND BHAAMA

The fifth photo is : from the left ; PRIYA AND JEFFREY

Hahahaha! we had lots of fun! hmmm... yup, that is all!!

Merindu

2009-05-27T20:49:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,
I am missing someone in my life. He is gone after weeks of close relationship. Dia ibaratkan jinak jinak merpati namun sukar untuk dimiliki. Aku masih tak mengerti sekiranya apa yang kurasakan ini adalah cinta ataupun hanya sekadar persinggahan. Barangkali, segalanya hanya illusi atau mimpi, sebuah mimpi yang takkan pernah kekal. Terlalu rapuh bak kristal.

Dear blog,
I am waiting for someone in my life. Someone that makes my heart melts the moment he set his eyes on me. Someone that makes me blushed the moment he glanced at me. Someone that makes my heart thumps so hard the moment he stared at me.

Dear blog,
I am loving someone like that... LOVED!!!

:D

Sleepyy and tireddd

2009-05-26T17:41:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,
I am very sleepy today.... I could not open my eyes properly, in fact, i was sleeping when I was bathing... after solat subuh, i was holding on to my compact powder and fell asleep... then i woke up and was dragging my legs to school lah... Reached woodlands at like 7.45 am... Charlene and Sam wanted to buy Old Chang Kee initially but we ended up to the McDonalds... Bought Sausage EggMcmuffin with Iced Milo again. HAHAHA!!!!

Dear blog,
my eyes are teary... tired seh... anyway, I need to finish the Bayer's proposal thing and then need to move on with the storyline for PK... Candy, what to write ah? Cannot be to be too cliche, cannot be too difficult... ERM, difficult!

Dear blog,
I want to sleep already... still got UT... what the hell! felt like dying already ah!

Dear blog,
lupa pulak nak bilang.. Mimpi ain semalam tentang lelaki yang selalu di dalam hati Ain.. Dia tidak pernah luput dari ingatan Ain kerana dia seorang lelaki yang benar-benar menambat hati Ain... Hmmm.... itu sajalah... eh...

Lovvvveeee,
AiN

Why painful memories keep coming back?

2009-05-25T23:04:00.001-07:00

Dear blog,
I have been trying to forget all the painful memories but painful memories keep flashing back....
I have avoided, ignored and hate him but he refused to budge from me. Am I to be blamed for whatever he had caused me?
I have been missing someone else but is that a sign of love?
i wished..... but, Ain is always unlucky because no guys offer sincere relationships, they only offer fun.... Whatever...

Dear blog,
Why is Ain always being hurt?
Why is Ain always being rejected?
Why is Ain always being soft-hearted?
Ain have always tried to pretend that he did not exist but why do Ain always feel hurt everytime? Ain have tried to suppress my feelings so that I don't feel embarassed being rejected but he never care. Ain have tried to control my emotions but it refuse to work... What can Ain do? Is it wrong?

Dear blog,
I am so tired of being the one feeling all these, so I want them to feel all these.. I shall make their lives more miserable than what Ain felt.

Looovvvveee,
AiN

KEGEMBIRAAN!!

2009-05-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

Good morning, blog!

ain nak cakap sikit... hari ni ain check LEO.... dann..... ain dapat 4 A!! gembiranya! tak sia sia seh kerja keras.... ain nak dapat 15 A at least for this semester.... happynya!
niari, ain makan banyak sikit untuk breakfast... ain makan chicken mushroom on stik, sotong body ngan curry 'o'... sedap... dan tak lupa orange sunkist!

SEDAPNYA!!

niari ada MCG Welcome Tea!!

kebosanananananan!

2009-05-17T17:18:00.000-07:00

Aku betul betul kebosanan! oh ye, aku beli mcdonalds again... tapi boring seh
penat lah, macam nak tidur je!

MATHS!

2009-05-13T18:52:00.000-07:00

It was raining heavily even before I went out of my house. Anyway, had Fried noodles and milo as breakfast. Took the bus to MRT and then board the train and have to wait for sam again. LOL... norm...
Anyway, reach woodlands and then Sam treated me to Curry 'O'. then went to McDonalds to buy Iced Milo only but ended up buying the sausage egg mcmuffin again. LOL...waited for charlene then walked to school...
Reached class and checked my LEO anddddd, I GOT A FOR ENTERPRISE!! I AM SO HAPPYYY!!! anyway, i must work hard and get even more As...
okay, today's module is MATHS... okay, wish me GOOD LUCK LAH!

CHEMISTRY TODAY!!!

2009-05-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

Okay, I was supposed to wait for Sam at the head of the train and she is late again. Haiya, then waited for her at her station. Then, we went off. Reached the station at 7.45am. Then we headed off to McDonalds. Bought Sausage EggMcmuffin and Iced Milo. We then walked to school. Reached class at like 8pm. then i settled down and ate my hashbrown. LOVELY!
Then, it was CHEMISTRY today! oh my goodness, i have research a lot and also use lots of theories. STRUGGLING!!

My goodness!

2009-05-10T22:02:00.000-07:00

Hello! It is me again, Ain... Hahaha... who else... lame.. HAHAHA..
Anyway, today's module is Enterprise Skills. Andd! my group only consists of just two person including me. When the facilitator announces that ' choose your leader and scribe', I was like, okay... let's be the scribe.. HAHAHA... LOL...
We were like halfway through our presentation when the facilitator says, ' do you want to merge with other groups?'
We were like looking at each other and smiling because we were almost done!
Yeah, I hope the groups would go lenient with us since we only got each other to rely on... LOL...
:)

Stresss!

2009-05-06T21:13:00.000-07:00

Now, don't ask me why I am writing two blogs for one day!
I am super super stressed because Mathematics is DIFFICULT!
I am seriously dying and I hate this!! Seriously! No jokes!
I have to do graphs and solve stupid equations and it is so difficult!
MUMMY!
The graphs is complicated because we have to do a lot of calculations and MENTALLY, mind you!
It is so different from Secondary School!

Kepenatan

2009-05-06T17:16:00.000-07:00

Penatnya!!! asyik kena bangun pagi je... dahlah dalam mrt tersengguk sengguk.... penat seh... then my kepala terhentak the pillar... sakit tau! nasib baik tak terlajak sampai ke sembawang! hahaha... dah tu, kena merentas dua padang nak sampai sekolah... penat betull... dah lah laptop berat.... ish!

kerana dia yang kutunggu...

2009-04-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

aku masih menunggu...menunggu akan kepastian.. kepastian yang semakin menjauh..
aku masih mencari.......mencari akan kebenaran.....kebenaran yang semakin kabur...
aku masih tidak mengerti mengapa pelbagai kebetulan harus berlaku...
kebetulan yang menyenangkan tidak memberi masalah namun kebetulan yang menyakitkan..
aku ingin terus lari..
dan terus lenyap..

because i chose to...

2009-04-26T02:03:00.001-07:00

I kept thinking to myself. Do I have to hate or forget him? or, do I have to ignore this irritable feeling? I kept listening to my heart more than my mind. I chose to believe the beautiful lie rather than the ugly truth. But, do I feel the same satisfaction that I will get if I believe the ugly truth? Or, do I keep losing my composure as it passed? Will my heart be able to sustain the pain? Or, it keeps bleeding? I need to win the game but it's never as easy as it seems to be. People just love to stereotype. I guess, love is not as beautiful as it claims to be. Do I even believe in love? I can't possibly want to be in something that I have zero faith in.
It's nobody's fault.

It's because i chose to...

why?

2009-04-24T21:47:00.000-07:00

Why am i too soft hearted?
- because i love you too much.
Why do i crush too easily?
- because i can't trust my own heart.
Why do i believe readily?
- because i am naive.
Why do i use my feelings more as compared to my head?
- because i am compassionate.
Why does 'love' cloud my judgement for the truth?
- because i am blind.
Why am i the one getting hurt?
- because i am foolish.
Why do i always sink deeper when i thought that i have forgotten?
- because i always remember.
Why do i keep seeing people that I hate?
- because i have to learn to be stronger.
Why do I have to be reminded of the past?
- because i never ever will be able to forget.
Why does my heart still ache?
- because i still love you..

First day in RP.

2009-04-20T17:06:00.000-07:00

It was the first day of school and I was super duper excited for it. LOLS! Anyway, it was SCIENCE today..I came to school early and I was the FIRST to arrive in class. Well, class started pretty hushed down a little however as it goes on, guess what?! IT WAS SUPER FUN!!!
We studied about BLOOD today. There were many new terms that I haven't know yet. There were too many to tell anyway. We presented our slides and I think we did a little better than I thought it would be. The FACILITATOR was fun also! LOLS! Anyway, that's about it! I will update soon.

Tidak menentu..

2009-04-14T05:44:00.000-07:00

Aku tidak mengerti mengapa aku harus mengingatinya lagi walaupun telah banyak yang aku lakukan untuk melupakannya? Aku benci dengan keadaan yang menyukarkan aku untuk melupakan kepedihan yang telah meranapkan segala harapanku untuk mempercayai kewujudannya. Aku akur dengan ketentuan-NYA namun aku hanya berharap agar aku dapat melupakan segalanya biarpun parut luka masih bersisa lagi.
Aku cemburu dengan kebahagiaan orang. Alangkah indahnya kalau aku tidak pernah peduli dengan segala yang berlaku dan tidak menyerah dengan emosi yang tidak dapat kukawal. Kadangkala perasaan ini yang aku alami ini bagaikan satu mimpi atau lebih tepat lagi sebuah persinggahan. Begitu pantas sekali perasaan itu hadir dan pergi. Biarlah! Hanya aku sahaja yang boleh mengerti perasaan yang hadir dan pergi.
Aku marah dengan diriku sendiri kerana terlampau mengikut perasaan. Lelaki tak akan pernah menyukaiku. Mereka hanya berbohong. Aku sudah muak. Muak dengan segalanya. Benci ! jangan pernah hadir di dalam perasaanku lagi.Kalau segalanya semudah yang kusangkakan, pasti aku sudah melupakannya. Aku benci! Benci! Benci! Aku sendiri tidak ingin tahu berapa lama lagi aku harus menahan perasaan yang tak menentu ini.

Terima kasih..

2009-04-12T22:43:00.000-07:00

Aku rimas. Rimas dengan segalanya yang berkaitan dengannya. Aku benci. Benci sekali dengannya kerana aku mempercayai. Mempercayai segala kedustaan yang diungkap. Dia mampu menipu tanpa berfikir seakan ia sudah sebati dengan dirinya.
Aku benci dengan segalanya yang berkaitan dengannya. Dia telah meranapkan secebis kepercayaan yang aku ada tentang lelaki. Dia telah menghancurkan hatiku tanpa belas kasihan. Aku terpaksa merawat hati yang terluka. Saat lukaku berhenti berdarah, dia kembali dan melukakanku kembali.

Terima kasih kerana telah melukakan aku.
Terima kasih kerana telah membiarkan aku seorang diri untuk merawat luka ini.
Terima kasih kerana telah meranapkan kepercayaanku tentang lelaki.
Terima kasih kerana telah buatku serik untuk mengenali lelaki.

Time is running out!!

2009-03-30T04:17:00.000-07:00

ARRRRGGGGHHH!
I am so damn freaking tired lah!

okayy, i slept late yesterday night so I slept in today.. woke up at 11am then i went to bath and ate lunch! (skipped breakfast! HAHA!)

well, then it rained so heavily that i am really lazy to go out but in the end, we still go out because there's plenty of things to buy.

MAN!

anyway. had KFC today! YIPPEEE! haha... lols..

school is starting so damn fast!

i still haven't finished enjoying my holiday!

Biarlah ia berlalu..

2009-03-27T22:08:00.000-07:00

Aku tak dapat melupakan segala kedukaan yang pernah singgah di hatiku. Yang peliknya, segala sesuatu yang berlaku dahulu meninggalkan kesan yang sangat mendalam bagiku. Adakah aku hanya sekadar berillusi atau itu kenyataan yang sangat pahit? Apakah pilihan yang aku miliki? Walaupun aku terasa diriku teraniaya namun aku masih tidak dapat melupakannya.. Mengapa? Bodohkan aku? Adakah aku yang enggan ikhlas melepaskannya pergi atau masih ada luka yang berdarah? Aku kebingungan..

Aku sudah serik. Serik dengan segalanya. Aku terlalu terluka. Aku sudah penat. Penat dengan segalanya. Aku benci dengan segalanya yang berlalu..Namun aku tidak pernah menyesal. Biarpun aku terpaksa bersendirian mengutip serpihan hati yang berkecaian. Tipu kalau aku katakan yang aku sudah tidak menyukainya lagi. Ah! Sakitnya hatiku! Mengapa? Mengapa? Aku harus mengingatinya lagi!! BENCI!!!

Tirrrreeeeeeeeeddddddddddddd!

2009-03-22T07:19:00.000-07:00

Okay... let me update my blog again.. first and foremost, i set my alarm to wake me up at 8.30 am.. Basically, I wanted to catch the SchoolHouse Rocks the Movie... well... I heard the alarm but I hesitated to wake up but in the end, i woke up at 10am. HAHAHA! then i went to the hall and switched on the TV.. and well i watched it while trying my best to be awake. HAHAHA! then i bathed because i have to go to my Dad's friend's daughter's marriage. i was so so super damn bored but then who cares... sit there for like an hour or so.. and the "kendarat" there were super fast with the cleaning up, topping up and etc..
then we headed to BMC and ABG was driving the car... and it was so so so BORING!! HAHAHA! then my mum bought me a jeans!! YEEEHAAA! okay.. then we went home.
i reached home and then i 'solat zuhur' and then my mum asked me to iron clothes but my eyes were really really tired so i stopped and tried to sleep but when i heard the 'AMERICAN IDOL ENCORE' was on, i decided to watch it... then i 'solat asar' before getting ready to go to ECP.
when we reached there, it was so crowded... okay, we ate 'SATE' and i ate 'SEAFOOD FRIED RICE'... after i finished eating, i went to the sea... see the scenery and enjoyed the breeze so much.. then took some photos though some were unglam.. HAHAHA..
we then headed home and then we 'solat maghrib'... and i watched "THE PACIFIER".. it was cool!
then i went to my room and grabbed all the dirty clothes and dumped it into the laundry basket. then i cleared all the things that weren't supposed to be there..
yeah... that's about it for now..

Bored to death!

2009-03-17T23:00:00.000-07:00

oh wells, it's going to be a brand new school semester again and i am seriously bored to death.. well, let me see... i have been doing the same routine for like almost three months now..
hmmm... i am so scared to start the new semester actually. don't know about the environment.. the people, the facilitators.. the tests.. the labs.. the foods.. and etc ... etc...

anyway, i want ice cream!!