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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Dear diary...
I have been trying to get over the memories of the past because of its pain and its torment in my heart. As hard as I could, he is always a shadow of my past and will remain there as a figure of my first love. In my mind, there has always been a confusion of my feelings. My feelings always refused to accept the rationale in my mind and the consequences are that I am confused. I do want to follow what my mind says as it would be more rational and my actions would then be more structured but could I really follow my mind after being manipulated by my heart all the time?
Why do I feel jealous of his past? He is just sharing his emotions with me, I should be happy right that he is sharing something about his life and as a friend, I should be there for him. But, I really am confused now. I think that a part of me wants to be back with him but then, can we really change the past? What if he left me again for another girl? Can I then face another heartbreak?

Dear diary...
Often I questioned myself.. Am I really in love the memories of the present? All I know is that I could not get over him. He is infiltrating to every thoughts and every emotions of mine. He is always in my mind and whenever I close my eyes, I see his images plastered all over. I really want to change this feeling. He obviously doesn't care about me anymore.. It is not the same as the past anymore.. Can I accept this reality with strength?

♥ Another entry @ 5:47 AM