Wednesday, March 31, 2010
What exactly does that dream meant? Is it because that I would be able to see him again or is it because I wished to see him again because I truly missed him? What do I want actually? What??
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8:37 PM
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Aku cuba untuk hidup dalam gaya hidupmu,
aku cuba menerima segala gurauanmu,
aku cuba menyelam peribadimu,
namun aku tahu,
aku tidak mampu
Aku tidak mampu untuk mengubah perasaanku. Aku sentiasa tertanya adakah perasaanku ini suci atau hanya nafsu yang inginkanmu. Aku tidak mahu terbawa dengan nafsu yang membuatku tidak bermaruah namun aku tidak mampu melawan perasaanku. Aku hanya ingin menatapmu dari jauh kerana itu membahagiakanku. Aku tidak ingin berhubungan denganmu kerana itu lebih menyesakkanku namun hatiku sering meronta-ronta ingin mendengar suaramu walaupun hanya sapaan kosong.
Aku mendongak ke langit mencari sesuatu,
aku terus mencari sesuatu itu,
dan aku temui sesuatu,
namun yang kudapatkan hanya sapaan angin malam itu.
Aku menghirup angin malam dan membiarkannya menyapa rambutku dengan lembut. Aku terasa sangat nyaman dengan belaian angin malam yang menyegarkan. Rindu di hatiku terubat dengan perlahan- lahan. Aku dapat melepaskan rindu yang menyesak jiwaku dengan tenang dan aku mampu melupakan dirimu dengan perlahan. Aku akur dengan takdir kerana aku tidak mampu melawan takdir. Aku ingin melepaskan rinduku kerana aku masih menyintaimu. Namun aku harus pergi jauh darimu jika aku ingin melupakanmu. Oleh itu, aku ingin pergi. Aku dapat merasakan bahawa kau jua menyayangiku namun hatimu masih tidak bersedia dan itu juga apa yang aku rasakan. Aku tidak ingin terbelenggu dalam percintaan. Bagiku, melihatmu adalah satu kebahagiaan.
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Salam sayang,
♥ AiN ♥
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11:42 PM
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Angin malam menyapaku dengan lembut,
membelai aku agar usah terus merindu,
Lalu ku kirimkan kata rindu pada angin malam
Agar angin malam menyampaikan kata rinduku padamu.
Aku sering terbayangkan kisah kita andai kita ada jodohnya kelak. Aku masih menanti agar perasaan rinduku pudar dengan sendirinya namun aku masih merinduimu tiap saat. Aku jadi malu dan sedih kerana aku merinduimu. Aku ingin lebih merindui ALLAH kerana dialah PEMILIK CINTA namun aku lalai dengan perasaanku dan terus merinduimu walau aku tahu yang kau sudah tidak mengingatiku. Aku ingin berganjak pergi dan melupaimu namun setiap kali aku melafazkan aku ingin melupaimu, semakin kerap wajahmu terbayang di hatiku. Aku sedar yang aku bukan milikmu malah aku bukan milik sesiapa kecuali milik-NYA.
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6:55 AM
GOODNESS! I have tried so hard for my result to get better! Argggh! Chemistry is confirmed to be my worst enemy! SAVE ME!
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6:51 AM
Thursday, March 4, 2010
It is always hard trying to convince people. In fact, every single time we say something, we have to make sure it pleases people. We spent all our lives trying so hard to convince people and please people so much that sometimes it doesn't feel right anymore. I am tired of trying to be someone else to please people. Why is it so darn hard for people to accept us for who we are? If they are sincere to be our friend, why can't they understand us before passing any judgements that may sound reasonable to them but not necessarily to us? They say, please try to understand me but heyy, UNDERSTAND me first! YOU ARE JUDGING ME! If you don't understand me, who are you to judge me? You don't have ANY right to! I am not obliged to take care of your feelings at all. I am doing whatever I feel like doing and by doing so, I am not committing any crime. I am not playing with your feelings or whatsoever. If you are stressed, it is best that you stay away from people and don't bother reading about people's lives. Sebab Iblis suka menunggang pada kemarahan. Ambil wudhu and tenangkan jiwa. If you have your philosophy, I have my own philosophy. Which is: Stay away from people when you are angry because anger is dangerous!
I just don't know what to do with my life anymore, I have tried so darn hard to please people that I don' t feel like myself anymore. Whenever I see popular girl, I tried to fit in. Pretend to like the things that they like but I know, it made me far away from who I am. I think that after so many things that happen, it just felt better that I don't create FB account. People can stop JUDGING me and I can continue with my life the way that I used to be. Live in the world of novels and tv. I like it that way because I never disturb people. worst come to worst, i just sleep. And when i wake up, i forgot everything. I think that is the best.
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11:58 PM
Monday, March 1, 2010
I often asked myself whether I do really know what I am doing and what I am putting myself into. But the answer that I could ascertain myself was nothing. I realized that I cannot be certain as to whether I can still continue loving you, sunshine. I still love you. I felt as though I am forbidden from loving you and that alone made me feel so devastated. I saw a photo and I could not help myself but to feel that the green monster in me was growing so big that I am sufffocated with the jealousy within me. I wished I could get over you but I have tried all means but you are still deeply etched in my mind. I kept thinking of you but I knew that you never think of me at all. I was never on anybody's mind. I miss you sunshine. My days were gloomy without you and I could not find anyone else to brighten up my day which always made me felt that I am better off to be heartless. At least I don't feel gloomy and I don't feel hurt or jealous.
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4:44 AM
