Friday, November 27, 2009
SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARI RAYA AIDILADHA!
Aku masih mencari erti pengorbanan yang sebenarnya. Pengorbanan kepada keluarga?
Tetapi, pengorbanan yang tertinggi adalah pengorbanan kepada hawa nafsu yakni melepaskan segala hawa nafsu. Adakah aku sudah bersedia untuk melupakan segala hawa nafsu ku? Kadangkala, aku terasa sangat berdosa sekali? Apakah aku layak untuk ke syurga-NYA? Aku masih banyak kekurangan dalam diri.
Aku menonton cerita, 'Yassin Terakhir' semalam dan dialognya sangat memberangsangkan.
'Kita kena tahu siapa diri kita, baru kita akan kenal yang hidup itu dan barulah kita mengenali diri kita yang sebenar','Yang hak mesti kembali kepada yang hak,sesungguhnya kita di dunia ini tidak ada hak.'
Kata-kata ini membuat aku terfikir sejenak. Apakah ertinya sebenarnya dan aku masih belum mengerti kerana aku tidak kenal siapa diri aku sendiri. Aku sentiasa dalam kekeliruan kerana aku masih belum ingin melepaskan segalanya yang aku tahu banyak menghasutku. Aku ingin insaf. Aku ingin bersedia untuk ke syurga-NYA kerana aku tak sanggup untuk pergi ke neraka-NYA.
Wahai muslimin dan muslimah, apakah jati diri kamu? Dalam sehari, berapa banyakkah kau mengingati ALLAH?
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1:36 AM
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I NEED TO REPEL ALL THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS WITHIN ME!
I just feel so restless and always looking around for you. I never felt so obssessed with someone before. I just need to slowly let of all these go. I don't want to keep thinking of you and I don't want to feel as though my life just evolves around you. I need to learn to let go and open my heart for other options. Perhaps one way is, stop contacting you until I really need you so much and could no longer control my feelings.
I just need to buck up and throw the 'devil' within me that stops or distract me to not do things that I am obliged to do. I want to be a successful woman so that nobody would look down on me and push me to my limits.
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1:14 AM
Saturday, November 14, 2009
I wish I was smart enough to understand the problems given in school...
I wish I was brave enough to tell Mr Sunshine how much I love him...
I wish I was courageous enough to tell you how much I need you...
Well, I guess that I will let go of you slowly now. I am erasing your memories off my mind now. Slowly, it will pain me but it will pain me more if I don't.
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6:02 AM
Friday, November 13, 2009
Finally, the UTs just ended. I am so relieved. Well, first of all, I think I managed to understand almost the gist of all the problems that I encountered. And, yeah, because tests are over however, I need to continue doing my revision as UT 2 and UT 3 is coming. I just felt that this semester is going very fast and sometimes, I just feel that I lack of time management, I mean; by the time I get back and settle down, it is already almost 8pm and by the time I revise and stuffs and pack; it is already 11pm. *Any wonder why I am losing my concentration in the morning?*
Oh yes, I just feel that I am more and more accustomed to being in my school. Well, technically because it is a fixed schedule; well, I tend to be very organised and I want something that have a fixed schedule. People say life in RP is boring but hey, it is rocking, man! It depends actually on how you look into something. If you keep being pessimistic about something, you will be blind towards all the positiveness that arrive. I believe in putting in interest in whatever you are doing because from there, you will succeed.
For Biology, I think that the module is fun because it is all theories and you don't really need mathematical equations or formulas. I love to read because that is one way for me to understand something better which is why I prefer languages however I am not sure why I am inclined to science course; but I never regret my decision. The theories in Biology is easy to understand; the only complication that I face is that it is the terms that confused me a lot. Like seriously. I have nothing against the faci because I think he is fine as a person. Perhaps because his outward appearance does not appeal to most of my classmates; which is why they kind of rather fidgety or whatsoever but I think he is a nice guy. He does explain everything well and I like his teaching style though he may ask too much questions during presentation but I think this is his way in analysing the depth of our understanding of the problem.
For Cognitive, I find the module to be extremely exhilarating because I love languages and this is one of the module that I do very well because I love to reason things out. Well, my 'long lost' ambition was to become a lawyer however after a series of events, I didn't manage to get to that. However, I still keep my options open so that I can choose other paths of career and not be restricted to one. Cognitive is more of a thinking process and it helps to know what kind of approaches that we use to examine certain situation. I like the faci because he will bring us back to the correct direction whenever we are swayed from the main topic. And, I love his teaching style.
For Chemistry, I think that the module is quite straightforward however there are many concepts that I have to note. Well, firstly I am not a Chemistry student which kind of make things hard for me. But, I was lucky to have been in the same group as Zhe Hao and Nadzir as they helped me a lot during the learning journey. Though I have to put up to their 'bullying', I think I learn quite a few things from them which is a good thing. Well, the faci is a nice guy though he is quite blur sometimes. Rock on, Jackson Ong! :D
For Mathematics, the module is challenging for me because well, I am very weak in numbers and numbers are like my top most first enemy. I just cannot get along well with numbers, I am just scared to deal with numbers. But I like my maths faci. He is very understanding and caring towards students and he always help the students.
For Physics, I LOVE IT THE MOST! The physics faci is so so handsome, okay lah. I mean, different people have different perception. If you are exposed the my other 4 male facis, you will agree with me. Physics to me is not difficult but very tedious and sometimes it can mislead you. I need to cultivate a deep interest for Physics because I will be taking Applied Physics next year which is why I am very enthusiastic for Physics and Chemistry.
For my yellow heart, I can't get you off my mind. You keep coming back to my mind when I do things or when I am online. I thought that I would forget you soon when we separate class but I just can't seem to stop thinking of you.It keeps coming back. I just couldn't understand why. I am letting go of you slowly so that when you are ready to be in relationship which is CONFIRMED not to be with me, I am not deeply hurt. To me, when you are happy, I feel happy for you. But, yeah. I am very sensitive, I tear a lot but I know that somehow, my tears will dry up, any every tears of mine is worthy.
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7:30 AM
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Physics UT today. I was so so emotional to do the paper well, firstly, I am happy that I got an A for the previous problem for Physics. Finally, an A. Today's paper was not that difficult but I have some minor glitches and so yeah, I am so confirmed that I would get a C. Hopefully. I want to get a C, minimum. Don't disappoint me can? I want to pass. I don't want people to call me stupid, dumb. I know that I am but don't keep reminding me. I have feelings, you have no freaking idea how is it like to be a failure.
Mr Sunshine, I am clear of your signs now. I know that you are NEVER gonna like me like how I like(perhaps, love) you. I don't want to be the one that is always pining for your love therefore, i want to let go of you. I hate to be the only one that is pining for you. I want to be loved but I guess, you were never meant to be mine. Do you know how much it hurts to see you being like that? I am so upset. I am so jealous. I am so disappointed. I really cannot see you when you do that. I can't.
If you don't like me, please frigging leave me alone. Don't keep texting me and don't let me be on cloud nine. Just leave me alone, besides, I am also the one rejected, so i frigging don't mind. Please, give a me sign, and I let you go peacefully.
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4:33 AM
