Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Mr Sunshine, I want to ignore you but you are the one ignoring me now. I guess my decision to forget you and move on is the best decision but I am paining in me.
Why? Why do I find it hard to forget you? Is it really hard to forget you, mr sunshine? Can I move on? I knew it the moment I saw you that you would never like me. I know but my heart is always pining for you. I guess, this is my destiny perhaps. Never to be loved. Guys only get close to me to be my friend but when they know I like them, well.. They shun me away. Or perhaps insult me. I know.
Perhaps I should just shut away from love.
You are not the only one that shun me away mr sunshine. Plenty more. I knew.
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7:20 AM
Monday, October 26, 2009
I am so so tired, sleepy and sick. The reason for me being tired is that on Sunday morning, I went to school for Eco-Flea Market and well, I was quite up to my hand when the crowd come because well, first of all, I have to run here and there trying my best to satisfy the people. Hmmmmm. Tiring for that. And I was having the splitting headache when I came back(actually when I was on my way back). I thought my music was too loud and therefore, I stopped my music for a while but I realised that it was not my music. It was something else. Hmmmmm. Quite frustrating! And accompanied parents to NTUC because I wanted to buy covered shoes for lab session.(the shoes are brown : not my taste but what to do; anyway not going to wear it always)
Not enough sleep because I was studying and plus watching Jab We Met and so yeah.. ended up with late night.
I am having this terrible cough and flu. The flu is recovering and unfortunately, not my cough. It seems to get worse but I guess that it is my fault because I still drink cold drinks on the sly. (HEHEHE)
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1:50 AM
Friday, October 23, 2009
I am having a topsy turvy of a time when it comes to feelings/emotions. I am always confused of what I am feeling for perhaps my mr sweet sunshine. I just could not decipher my own feelings and the actions I took. Sometimes, when I see him, I just find him as a good friend and sometimes when I never see him, I feel lost and I just constantly search for him hoping to find a companion and sometimes, the feeling just get too overpowering. I find all sorts of excuses to find ways to forget him and perhaps hating him, but I know I can. I do feel at times that I want to just confess but then I could not bring myself to tell him because I do not want to lost him as a friend and it would just be so awkward. I want to just slowly forget him and get a move on but I know that I cannot do it because he is just always in my heart.I am getting seriously confused with my feelings. I do not know whether I should treat him to be my normal/close friend or to keep liking him more than I should. Things seemed to be so unclear. I knew deep in my heart that he ain’t mine but I know that, I am denying that fact for quite long enough. Things are getting obvious now but I just cannot get him rid of my mind. My heart is constantly struggling with memories of him. He just keeps coming back into my mind and I guess, it will take me longer than just one year to forget him.
My mr sweet sunshine, can I start forgetting you now? I need to get over you. This is going to be hard but I am going to ignore you. I am going to try.
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3:54 AM
Friday, October 16, 2009
Dear blog, I am having a hard time coping with Chemistry, Mathematics and Physics and they are all my simultaneous modules. I am a very vocal person however I find it hard to continue to be vocal when I am doing these modules because I can't possibly understand all the concepts.
I need time to understand Chemistry models, concepts and calculations. Lone pair? Electronegativity? Polarity? Hydrophobic? Hydrophilic?
I need more than three hours to absorb mathematical calculations because it is very difficult for me because I forget all the formula back. OMG! Vectors? Magnitude? Windspeed? Groundspeed? Airspeed?
I need lots of patience and effort when I am doing Physics. It is very difficult for me because the whole team looks kind of dependent on me and trust me when I say this, I am not that strong in Physics. I have a good memory for words but not numbers. Numbers seem to be my arch enemy and therefore, I have to kind of put in lots and lots and lots of effort in remembering all the concepts and the calculations, not forgetting the formula. When I know how to do the concepts and calculations, I have to explain to my team members. Can they take their own initiative to find out for themselves also? I am seriously not able to understand everything and make them understand everything. I am begging for help. Seriously! :'(
I just don't know what is wrong with me. I am trying my best to forget but as hard as I try, it is very hard. He refused to let me forget him. He is always in my mind, in my heart and I am seriously in love with him. Why can't I just forget him once and for all? Why people say that just move on with life? But, nobody knows how hard it is to forget someone that you are falling for deeper and deeper. Am I the only one with the feelings or there are some other people that have the same feelings like me before? Why can't I just be like them? Forget them and just move on with lives?
I know that I am the eldest girl in this family and I have to know how to do household chores in the house and I must do everything, but I have tried my utmost best. Why can't them understand that I am also tired? Why am I accused to be jealous when I say why can't my sister do the household chores instead? I am not the only girl in the house.
I know that I love to clean but that does not mean that you can dirty the area that I have cleaned. I am sick and tired of having to clean for you. You are also a GIRL. Do your part.
Why is it people think that I am being overbearing and demanding when I only wanted to be loved by the one that I love, gets the grade I wanted and not being the only one to do all the work?
I just want to be appreciated.
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8:16 AM
Friday, October 9, 2009
People always say that love start from friendships but how come after being friends for so long, they just remained as friends and bound to regret only after one is gone.
They say it is easy to forget about a guy. But, is it really easy to forget the guy? It is never easy because to love, you don't even need to have a reason but to hate, you need thousands of reasons to hate.
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10:59 PM
Monday, October 5, 2009
It is the first day of the Sem. Man! It is a quite tiring lah and a little bit difficult to adapt to waking up in the morning again. I practically did everything with half of my eyes closed which includes reaching to woodlands. My class was so dead at first but we managed to laugh together not long after the class started. The silence was definitely very deafening at first. Even a single 'hmmm' echoed throughout the whole class.
My group were discussing and then there was silence. I wanted to say something but then, my stomach answered for me.. HAHAHA. It practically growled so loud that I think my ears are red blushing. This is normal. Lactose-intolerant yet ate cereal with milk. PADAN MUKA! HAHAHA. We then laughed and laughed. It is fun. I made friends with Gwen, Fong Yan, Nadya and Xin Xin. Haha. Gwen is funny.
And so, we presented the last. And the faci love to ask questions. Oh my! I am quite lazy to answer the questions but I see my team members struggling to answer the questions and therefore, I answered and we finally can then proceed back to our seats. Damns.
I am forgetting him forever now. It is difficult. I have tried to continue but it is hurting me. So, I am letting you go.. Goodbye.
Lotsa love,
AiiiiiNNNNNN
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5:10 AM
